21. Black.

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A/N: I'm soooo sorry before hand for what's to come, but I cried writing this and just ugh, I hope you like it tho, let me know what you think, ily x

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Harry

Black. All I could see was black. People walked past me, bringing me to their unfamiliar embrace, apologizing for something they had no power over. They’d let go of me, retrieve a few steps back, scanning my unfazed features. What did they expect? What was I supposed to reveal? Or rather, what was I supposed to feel? They’d then move to Louis, who’d cry into their shoulders, knowing that they would never resemble a let out, or a relief, yet, he didn’t seem to be able to control it. Why wasn’t I crying then? Why was I so unable to feel anything at all? Too many black dresses, too many black suits. It was all so dark, so incredibly lifeless. So silent, yet, excruciatingly  loud. Everyone was a sobbing mess, screaming a name that once meant the world to me. They were calling for her, talking about how good she was, and how much they missed her. They had no right to. They had no right to miss her, nor talk about her. They didn’t know her like I did. It’d never kill them the way it did me. She’d never mean to them, what she meant to me. Their life would eventually go on, the pain would subside, it’d get better, and they’d forget. She’d become an annual memory that they’d look back upon and possibly smile, or maybe shed a tear. While my life had ended all together. The pain would never subside because it had molded into my shattered soul, becoming an irreplaceable part of it. I’d never forget her. I couldn’t possibly forget her. The grief was as permanent as the loss itself. The last thing I remembered was being at the bar with Judith. God, she was breathtaking. She cut her hair, and it framed her face perfectly, highlighting every astonishing feature of hers. She looked good, better than I had remembered her to look, and that picture I held of her, broken to pieces with her torn clothes laying in the dirt slowly faded. There was so much that I wanted to tell her, but words were impossible to form, because every fiber of my being was paralyzed by her mere presence; the presence that I had missed endlessly. I could feel her hazel eyes on me, but I was too terrified to meet them, mostly because I feared drowning into them to no end. Her voice, sent chills through my entire body, almost as if it electrified me. Then, she wanted to leave, except, I didn’t want her to. I couldn’t let her slip away yet again. It was too soon. I had lost all control over my body, as I grabbed her arm, feeling a certain safety just by being this close to her. I pleaded for her to wait, for her eyes to meet mine, for her hand to not leave mine just yet. And that was when my phone rang, taking it all with it.

“ Harry, it’s time.” Louis choked out. Time? Time for what? Time no longer held meaning to me. I thought I’d still have time to see her, to hug her, to lay my head on her lap and sleep. I thought I’d still have time to tell her that I loved her more than she’d ever know. I thought time wouldn’t ruthlessly take her away from me, but it did. So what was the point? What would ever be the point? One could never beat time. Louis laid an arm on my shoulder, as he pulled my numb body off the seat. I walked among the sobbing crowd, towards a large green area, where a priest was awaiting. And then I saw it. The box. She laid in that box. It was now her eternal bed. And I couldn’t lay there with her. I couldn’t go with her. She couldn’t take me along, and sing me to sleep. She couldn’t tell me a story, because simply, her story had come to an end. She, had come to an end. As they lowered her into an endless hole in the ground, my body gave up on me, as I collapsed to the ground under which she’d forever lay. I held onto the grass, taking it out of its soil, to make more space for her, and perhaps, to dig my own grave, because life wasn’t life without her. I couldn’t possibly stay here without her. I had to go with her. She always told me that I was her little man, so why did she leave me behind? I was okay with dying, if it meant I’d die with her, for her, but now I was dying a thousand deaths per minute, and she wasn’t there to make me want to live. She wasn’t there to revive me, because no life could possibly come from death. I screamed. I cried. I yelled for her to take me along, to not leave me here, but my cries remained unheard because she could no longer hear any earthly sound. Louis fell with me, crying into my trembling figure, holding on to me as if holding on to dear life. They were covering her in dust. Dirty, earthly, worthless dust and she deserved better. She deserved to be covered in roses, and rainbows, and all that was ever beautiful and irreplaceable because that was what she was. It started raining, as if the skies were crying for her loss, but they had no right to, she was joining them now, and leaving me. She left me. I rested my forehead against the wetted ground, allowing a lone scream to escape my lips, and that was when I felt familiar arms wrap around me, her sobs filling my ears, her hair tickling my back. She pleaded for me to not do this, she begged me to stand with her because she couldn’t do this without me, because she needed me. And I, I remained bent down, closing my eyes shut, taking in the beautiful sound of her voice that filled all my senses, overshadowing all other sounds. The peace she offered, the radiating warmth, overtook my entire being, as I allowed myself to sink into her.  

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