Saving A Villain

Party Blues

You know that scene in Twilight, where Bella spends months in a chair just looking out her window looking rough as fuck? 

Well thats what I was feeling. 

Except I was laying face first into my pillow scream-crying, such as a true psycho does, because fuck sitting in a chair and looking at the trees. 

The trees were happy, living beings that didn't have to deal with the emotional bullshit I was dealing with. 

It had been no more than 24 hours since that horrific scene in Blue's office, where my own Nana turned against me and somehow led that bitch with gorgeous features into my man's office and pushing them to be mates. 

I screamed into the pillow again. 

I didn't think I was a violent person until 105 different ways came to my mind in that very instant of how I was going to put that bitch down like a dog. 

A staple to the eye, choking her to death with one of Blue's ties, choking her to death with the sleeve of my shirt, kicking her to death, throwing her out the window, shoving my shoe down her throat, stabbing her with one of Blue's pens, crushing her skull against the ground, stomping on her skull, doing jumping jacks on her face- all solid ways to end of her life. 

But I couldn't move. 

I couldn't scream. 

I could however, cry like a little bitch which is why I went flying out of his office like a bat out of hell. 

They had just stared at each other, breathing heavy like fucking Darth Vader, their eyes locked on to one another so hard they didn't even notice me run out. 

He didn't notice me run out. 

And he didn't come get me either. 

Which I think hurt the worse. 

Scratch that, the worse fucking part was I was back in my parent's house, in my childhood bed, having a scream concert into my pillow as my soul shattered in my body. 

A whole day had gone by and he hadn't texted me. 

Hadn't called. 

Nothing. 

Which felt like I was being shot, because that meant he either didn't know what to do, or he had already chosen and it wasn't me. 

Did I want to call him and hear his voice? 

More than anything. 

But damnit, I'm no weak bitch and I refuse to beg him to stay with me. 

But this hurt. 

More than him being cast away on some otherworldly plane, because there I couldn't get to him, but now? 

We were less than a city apart and I couldn't be with him.

I screamed into the pillow again. 

Maybe I'll suffocate and this will all just end. 

I heard my door slowly creak open, "Mom go away, please, I just want to cry in peace in the dark, alone" I muffled out as I kept my eyes closed. 

"Not your Mom"

I froze before relaxing, not moving as the bed slowly dipped down. I turned my head to get a glimpse of dark purple hair. 

Sasha. 

I let out a little sigh as I turned up towards my friend, "how you holding up?" 

I knew I looked like shit and I knew, she knew I looked like shit, "shitty" I muttered out, fighting against the sting in my eyes. "Shitty and tired, Sasha" I sigh as another tear leaked out my eye.