@LusciousLondonLissie, 10.32am

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Oh My God! Hampstead has never been more sodding beautiful! Civilisation at last

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Oh My God! Hampstead has never been more sodding beautiful! Civilisation at last. How do people live without their phone?

My IG algorithm has taken a huge hit thanks to Mum's stupid technology-free retreat. I mean, please. Therapy is what that cow needs, not another cult to join.

I think it's still the middle of the night for you, so I'll make this quick. This James guy sounds like an arse. Typical American, thinking that they know it all. What you need is to redress the balance of power. You need to get in control. A.S.A.P.

There is only one way that you, my beautiful, beautiful friend, will take back the power he stole from you. And you aren't going to like this. You're going to have to keep going with your charm offensive because you need him to fancy you.

You need him twisted around your little finger.

If he is a jabbering mess, he'll never talk down to you again as he'll be too busy trying to impress you. Trust me - this is my speciality. There is nothing better than being the one holding all the cards, especially when you know you are never going to fancy him back. That is the ultimate position of power.

So, here it is: The Alicia F-C HOW TO guide for making a boy fall for you:

Wear your hair down - if you do this, you can flick and twiddle it.

Wear lip-gloss (preferably red) - Cosmo says that if your lips are prominent and shiny, boys can't help but want to kiss them

Get out your body - You are a bloody gymnast and boys dream of girls like you

Touch him - Not like that (I can hear you clamming up form across the Atlantic) but completely accidentally

Get him to touch you (again, not like that you pervert!) - boys think of sex when they are near bare skin - it's basically science - so get him to rub in sun cream and zip up dressed etc.

Be there all the time - Boys are painfully simple and Seventeen says that they confuse attraction for proximity. Basically, the more you hang around and the closer you hug them, the more fanciable you become.

Follow this list and he'll be putty in your hands, I promise.

Anyway, must go - It's super sunny here for once and I need to top up my tan at the ponds.

Love and kisses xxxxx

Ps. I hate to admit it but your last story looked gorgeous. 

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