Positive?!

[84]

Jackson:

Being a parent was harder than anything else I had ever done before. Not physically but definitely mentally. In some situations, I still didn't know what to do and couldn't stop Lily from crying without any help.

I didn't like it to be completely alone with her. Not because I didn't love her. She was my everything. But I felt so overwhelmed when she suddenly began to cry or feel uncomfortable. I still had to learn a lot.

It was Mark who mainly took care of her and I was really impressed. He didn't seem insecure in any situation. He was always calm and and it really looked like being a parent was easy to him.

Sometimes I felt sorry that I couldn't help him more than I did. But we had talked and agreed that it was definitely necessary that I focused on school for now. Neither of us wanted me to fail this year.

Namjoon tutored me in some subjects  because I didn't understand everything without explanation. Luckily, my best friend was an absolute genius and could help me wherever I needed it.

But today we had only met up to go out a bit. It was the first time that I went out after Lily was born which was eight days ago now. And we also wanted to talk about my birthday on Tuesday.

We were sitting on a bench in the park close to the playground which was empty on that time of the day. It was dark outside and only a few people were still walking around alone or with dogs.

I held a bottle of beer in my hands. Unluckily, my drink was without alcohol because my friend had said that he would only allow me to drink beer if it was free from any alcohol. He said I had to stay sober.

I knew he was right. My mom would murder me even if I came home only slightly drunk. And I also knew that it would be very irresponsible to drink although I had a newborn baby at home.

"How's Lily?" Namjoon asked me with a small smile. I took my bottle again and looked at it. "She sleeps, eats and cries. The typical baby things so I think she's great." I answered with a short chuckle.

My best friend leaned back. "You know that babies do much more than just those things." He said and of course, I knew that. "Oh yeah, I forgot that she also poops." I told him laughing.

The younger softly hit my arm but laughed with me. "But seriously, she's fine. Very fine and that's good." I answered then smiling. Lily was doing great. She was a healthy and happy little baby.

Of course, she didn't do that many things because she was still very young but I had already seen her smiling one or two times which showed me that everything was alright with her.

"That's good. And how is Mark? I'm sure taking care of a baby the whole day is very exhausting." Namjoon said and I didn't really know what to answer. Honestly, I didn't know how Mark was.

We lived under the same roof and saw each other during the day sometimes. He also asked me how I was at least one time per day. I felt a bit bad because he could think that I didn't care about him.

"I don't know to be honest. But I think he's fine. At least, I haven't heard him complaining." I mumbled a little hesitant. The younger looked at me and let out a long and slightly frustrated sigh.

"You've been living together for so long and you still don't know him? Oh Jacks, he would never complain about anything. He could be about to break down and he wouldn't say anything." Namjoon reminded me.

I knew that he had a point in that case. Mark was too nice to bother other people with his problems and I should have known that and watch him more closely to see how he was really feeling.

"I'm going to ask him how he feels when I'm back home." I told the younger who nodded a bit. "I really hope so. He does so much to make your life easier. The least you can do is asking how he is." He said.

I sighed but I knew that he was right. "I promise I talk to him later." I hoped that this would satisfy him for now. I knew I had made a mistake but I hated it when everyone reminded me again and again.

"So how is Jin? Everything alright with your beloved boyfriend?" I asked. Partly to change the topic of our conversation and partly because I really cared about the elder. Namjoon smiled a little bit.

"Everything is great. Our relationship is doing good and I feel like he's happy, too. And that's most important." Namjoon told me cheerfully and I was very glad to hear that.

I had been a little worried because I thought Jin would have problems after Lily was born because of the things that had happened to him in the past. But luckily, he was completely alright.

"That's good." I said before we fell in a comfortable silence. I was glad to know that he and Jin were doing fine and he was also right when he told me to check on Mark and ask him if he was doing well.

I was still adjusting to having a baby, to the new routine I had now and I was sure it wasn't any easier for him. Our lives had taken a whole 360° turn, everything was still a little messy and it was true that I didn't know how he felt about that.

"It's weird, you know." I began and Namjoon only hummed, signaling me to continue. "One moment and everything is different. I'm not saying that it's bad, it's just overwhelming, you know?"

"There's a tiny human being, my own child, and suddenly I get woken up by crying. I have to change diapers and feed her. I'm responsible for another humans life and sometimes I fear that I mess it all up." I said.

Namjoon was quiet for a short moment. "Don't worry too much. She's so young, you have months to get used to being parent until she actually starts to learn and remember things. But I get that you're worried, it's a lot."

"Plus, you have Mark with you. The both of you are new to this and you will grow together, help each other. Don't be too hard on yourself. You will get used to it. And I'm sure you won't mess her up."

I nodded at his words, feeling slightly more assured. Hopefully my best friend was right and I would really be able to do well in my new role because raising Lily was one of the very few things I didn't want to mess up.

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Thank you for reading ♡