Satisfied (Oikawa Tooru x Reader) Haikyuu!

Six: Choice

"You didn't have to accompany me here", you said, standing with Oikawa at the train station. "It's awkward after what we did...", you added, a little bit quieter than before, feeling your cheeks getting warm.

The boy peeked at you from the corner of his eye.

"Did you not like it?", he asked, a worry hueing his voice.

"N-No!", you exclaimed. "I-I mean I liked it but still..."

I will have to give up on you eventually.

"[Name], are you sure-", Oikawa wanted to say something but a hum of the approaching train cut him off.

As the doors opened, you overstepped them and turned around to smile at the chocolate haired boy.

"I will give up on you somehow, so don't worry about me, okay?", you waved to him.

He nodded and smiled back, unconvinced.

The doors closed and Oikawa watched the train departing until it disappeared from his sight. Then he looked pensively at the dark sky which was already covered with stars.

Are you sure you're okay with this?

As soon as the doors closed, the smile washed away from your face.

Even though your heart was still beating madly and you could still feel your cheeks being red, something was bugging you.

It was a feeling of uncertainty.

You knew that you absolutely had to give up on Oikawa - what was the point in liking the boy who didn't like you? But you also knew that the agreement you had made with the boy effectively prevented you from falling out of love with him. Because how could you stop liking him, when he would constantly be this close to you? From logical point of view, your decision was the worst you could think of. Not only would you still be in love with him, but also you would live in a constant pain caused by the fact that no matter what you would do, Oikawa wouldn't requit your feelings.

But at the same time, your heart was breaking in half at the thought of letting Oikawa kiss other girls. And, of course, you liked kissing him; even though it was meaningless, it felt good. But would you endure this for a longer time?

Which pain would be smaller - the one caused by Oikawa kissing other girls or by the fact that you two were so close to each other, yet Oikawa would never feel anything for you?

You had no idea, so you chose the one that seemed to hurt less for now - letting Oikawa kiss you instead of the other girls.

No, you shouldn't think about this anymore - you had already made a decision, so you would have to stick to it.

Nothing more.

Oikawa was lying on his bed, reading the newest copy of volleyball magazine. At least trying to read, because in fact he couldn't focus on anything - his homework made his mind buzz, and he was even too distracted to think about volleyball related matter. Your messy face was constantly appearing before his eyes and as he was recalling your today's make out session, he was getting inexplicably antsy.

That was bad, really bad. This whole thing - kissing girls, using them in critical situations, was meant to make him feel relieved. It was meant to fulfil his needs. And it worked in case of almost every girl he used - after kissing them, he was able to wash away redunant thoughts and to function normally, paying all of his attention to volleyball and his goals. At least for a while.

But today, Oikawa had a irresistible feeling of anxiety growing inside his chest.

He kissed you - to be honest, he went pretty hard on you, he even made you breathless. Then why? Why did he feel like it still wasn't enough? What else could he want from you?

In what way could he use you to make himself satisfied?

Would he ever be satisfied?

He groaned and turned on his stomach, pushing his slightly blushing face into the pillow. If only he didn't have these relentless needs, if only he would be able to focus solely on volleyball it would be so much easier. He even blocked himself from this widely desirable feeling of love, he was trying so hard not to fall for anyone. He did all of this just to have his mind clear of useless thoughts about things different than volleyball. And yet, he still was feeling more an more greedy, he was finding satisfying himself increasingly harder.

He pushed his face even harder on the pillow, trying to focus on something different than the memory of your wet, shaking lips.

Volleyball. Think about volleyball. Think about Ushiwaka-chan and Tobio-chan. You have to get better. Better-

'Tooru', your embarrassed voice clashed through his head and Oikawa nearly fell from his bed, recalling the memory of you saying his name. Why was he fretting about the fact that you used his name? What was making him so turned on about it?

There were so many things he couldn't simply explain and most of them were related to you.

To the girl who confessed to him.

To the girl whom he rejected.

To the girl whom he was using.

Once again, he nearly started fantasizing about you, but a sound of his phone woke him up from the reverie.

"Iwa-chan?", he said to the speaker.

"Hi Shittykawa, I'm calling to ask you about tomorrow", Iwaizumi replied.

"Tomorrow?", Oikawa seemed to be confused.

"It's Saturday and we arranged to meet with Hanamaki and Matsukawa at your place to study, remember?", his friend answered.

"Oh, right", the boy recalled their yesterday's talk. "So, what's the problem?"

Iwaizumi remained silent for a while, most evidently trying to formulate his next sentence. He still wasn't sure how were the things going between you and his friend and he wasn't sure whether making the two of you act as if nothing had happened was a good idea.

"Can I take [Name] with me?"