Desk Secrets: The untold sex stories of Lauren's desk

ikea

I'll never forget the moment I first saw Lauren. I was a brand new Swedish model with beautiful strong legs that were sturdy yet elegant.

I was stiff with amazement when I heard the sound of expensive heels stomp up to my shelf. What a bitch I thought....a...beautiful bitch.

" I'll take that one" Lauren growled like a goddess of death.

Before I could see Lauren in full view, she stormed over to the biggest and fluffiest white chair in ikea to flop her body on it like a lifeless chicken nugget. Two men picked up the chair and carried her while one man looked terrified.

"Alfred! Lauren exclaimed

Use that fern to cool me off, I can't stand this Miami heat."

"Yes ma..am right away" Alfred panted

Poor man, all I could think about was my doom. If this is how she treats her fellow humans... how will she treat her desk?

------

Jaurgui industries

It was morning and I was being wheeled into this giant elevator. Something smelled a bit...fishy inside but I ignored it.

Albert wheeled me into this giant white office with people all around. I felt fine until I noticed something out the corner of my... corner. A bunch of workers were covering up a..... broken in half desk! Out of the side of my eye two women Looked curious.

Jesus Christ have mercy!

Shhh Ally haha, let's get back to work, it's obvious Lauren has been working hard

Okay Dinah but I just need to find the new desk.

Why?

Before I was rolled into the next room the short one scurried up to me and poured a small liquid container all over my surface.

Bless you by the name of the father, son, holy Spirit Amen! Now let's burn the desk of the wicked!

God save me I thought. God save me.

I was put into this big windowed room and assembled. Lauren was very dominant about putting me away from the windows. Suddenly The door flew open.

"Hey bitch!"

"Vero, get out" Lauren grunted

No way, I came to see your new bed ...I mean desk

From hearing this conversation take place it's hard to understand what this Vero means. I am not a bed, I am in fact a desk.

Very funny vero but unlike your dirty mind I actually do work on it.

I'm sure you do laur

Lauren seemed like she was about to turn into a boiled tomato

Well it seems that since you've found a new assistant you've taken up karate is that true?

Go away. Or I'll snap you in half

OK moving on, adios bitch!

Vero closed the door behind her

hiiighyaaa!

There is something unsettling about this.

------

It was the next morning and I could feel the beautiful warm sun beams come thru the windows. I suddenly heard a soft female voice enter the room.

Austin why are you following me? I told you I'm going into her room to do something important.

I...I just want some company that's all.
Oh look at the new desk!

Don't touch it, that's brand new

It was too late. I already felt the dust
of the Dorito fingers on my surface.

Ewww Austin leave

Eh fine cameela!

The skinny tard licked the orange dust off his phat lips and moonwalked out the door so fast it made Michael Jackson roll in his grave.

I wonder what that note was? the girls long soft fingers caressed my smooth wood until I drifted to sleep.

------- ( pepito says hi yall)