30 Days with Fina

Day 6

30 Days with Fina by JellOfAllTrades
Chapter 6

I woke up with my right arm throbbing and my hand in numbing pain. Stretching it out, I grumbled at how badly I slept that night.

I sat up, still stretching my arm, letting the blood flow back in. I thought of last night and how I woke up before dawn. I spent the minutes in the darkness thinking of Fina before falling back asleep. Here I am, hours later, awake again, and still thinking of her.

"What the hell is my problem?" I asked myself in the mirror. I haven't thought about a girl this often. The fact that I can't make her mine must have given my brain quite a shock.

After having breakfast, I spent the next hours watching TV with Kier and our cousins in the attic. When we finished the fourth movie we've seen on HBO, I stood up and went out to the terrace to breathe some fresh air.

Even if our house is two blocks from the sea, the air still smelt salty. I closed my eyes, letting the sun sting my skin.

"Mangingitim ka niyan,"

I turned around to face a grinning Laurence.

"Rence! Kelan ka pa dumating?" I hugged him tightly. Laurence is another one of my cousins here in Quezon, except his family lives in the neighboring town of Lopez.

"Kararating lang namin nila mommy."

"Asan si tita?"

"Nasa dining room, kausap si tita Arlene." Rence answered with a huge smile on his face. "Musta na?"

"Ayos naman." I grinned. "Namiss kita ah."

Rence got even taller than the last time I saw him. He may be well past six feet now.

"Psh. Dalas dalasan nyo kaya paguwi."

"Eh, ba't di nyo nalang dalas-dalasan ang pagpunta ng Maynila?" I countered. The last time I saw him, their family sent ate Aira off to Norway about a year ago.

"Wala naman kaming gagawin dun eh," Rence shrugged.

I leaned on the terrace railings, looking over the street in front of the house; tricycles with their roaring motors and pedestrians with their umbrellas passed by below, oblivious of our presence above them.

"Balita ko papalit palit ka ng girlfriend sa Manila ahh," Rence started. "Nakakuha ka na ba ng girlfriend dito?"

"Wala akong girlfriend dito,"

"Wala pang natitipuhan?" He sat on the railings, his foot dangling.

"Hindi naman sa ganun, ayoko lang dalhin dito yung ginagawa ko dun."

"So meron ka nang natipuhan?"

I smiled, remembering Fina.

"Meron na nga," Rence chuckled. "Anong pangalan?"

"Secret." I smiled at him.

"Andaya." He complained. "Ipakilala na yan!"

"Di pwede, ano ka ba?"

"Ba't naman?"

I rolled my eyes at him. "Magagalit si Mamita for sure. Binalaan na nga ako ni mommy na wag maguuwi ng babae eh."

"Oo nga pala," He jumped off from the railings and went to the door but paused to look at me. "Labas tayo mamaya?"

"San naman tayo pupunta?"

He shrugged, not sure where to go.

"Tinatamad ako eh," I answered, which is true since after what happened yesterday, I don't feel like going out, afraid that in this small town, I might bump into Fina by accident. It's not that I don't want to see her, but because  I'm still disappointed in her. She made me wait in the playground for hours.

"Kahit sa dagat lang?" He suggested. I shook my head. "Playground?"

I tried to hide my disappointment from Fina and my eagerness to go back to the playground by laughing out loud. "Playground? Seryoso ka ba? Aren't we too old for that?"

Rence--thankfully--didn't notice the shaking of my slightly overenthusiastic laugh because he chuckled. "Baliw, wala naman akong sinabing maglalaro tayo diba? Tatambay lang dun."

"Next time na lang,"

"Sige, sa loob muna ako."

"Nasa attic sila," I shouted at him. I heard a chuckle and a faint 'yeah, I know,' before I turned to face the railings again.

Maybe I can't bring Fina here. Maybe I can't get myself involved with her in the way that I want to but that doesn't mean we can't be good friends. We can be good friends, right?

But where was she yesterday?

Muttering curses under my breath I returned to the attic to find it empty.

"Gerald? Mary? Rence?" I shouted as I went downstairs. I heard laughing in the dining room so I went there and found everyone.

"Oh, Jellane, halika dito't magmerienda ka na!" Mamita called out to me. I noticed she was the one in the head of the table, looking high and mighty over my aunts, cousins, and brothers.

I smiled sweetly at them and took the only available seat, the one on the other head of the table, directly opposite Mamita's.

Puto cakes, bread, half a dozen spreads, and pitchers and glasses of orange juice filled the table. Our aunts continued their conversation about building a school with Mamita while we teenagers talked about college.

"Ikaw Jellane, what do you think?" Mamita suddenly chimed up.

"Po?" I looked up from my plate of cake to the expecting looks of Aunts Arlene and Julie and of course, Mamita.

"Anong masasabi mo sa school?"

I knew of their plans for building a school at the western end of town, my own parents have shown their interest in investing in it and that is one reason why they decided to take a vacation here. To see the land where the school is going to be built and to talk about the plans along with seeing the construction plans.

"I think it's wonderful to build an elementary school where there's already four public elementary schools in town." I sarcastically said.

I saw one of Mamita's pencil-drawn eyebrows go up, her glassy brown eyes sparkle with something between insult and interest. I smirked at her.

"Sinabi ko na po kina Mommy na dagdagan ng Highschool and if possible, college courses ang plans niyo." I added.

Mamita nodded and smiled, flashing her pearly white dentures. "We know, sinabi na samin ng mommy mo na ikaw ang nag-suggest niyan. We were asking if you have any more ideas."

I thought for a moment, thinking about the maps I've seen of Calauag, Quezon, and remembering the Wikipedia article I've read about it a few months ago.

"Maybe we can add graduate courses too. Masters and doctorate programs?"

Everybody looked at me, their eyebrows up. I smiled again, letting their surprised looks sink in.

"Graduate programs?" Tita Julie asked, putting her glass of juice down.

"Yes, graduate programs." I repeated. "Think about it, the nearest college or university offering graduate classes are in Lucena in the west and Camarines Sur in the south. If we start a school with such a program, everybody in between would come to us, hindi na sila lalayo pa."

They were silent for a full minute before Mamita smiled again and started to laugh. We looked at her curiously, thinking if she's finally lost her mind. I felt a bead of sweat roll down my neck.

"Ay nako, Jellane." She chuckled my name like it's a joke. "Matalino ka nga talaga, but have you seen the area?"

I nodded, remembering the grassy and fenced block of land that is to be the spot for the school. Dad showed it to me on the first day we got here. "1000 square meters."

"1000 square meters, do you know how big that area is?" Mamita asked, her sweet voice turning venomous. "It's not exactly a field Jellane. Maliit lang yun."

"You're asking for my opinion, I'm telling you my opinion. If the graduate studies idea sounds stupid, then I'm sorry, Mamita." I drank my orange juice.

I could almost taste the tension in the air. I knew Mamita doesn't exactly approve of my sexuality, she was on the edge of disowning me and erasing my name on her will almost a year ago when she first saw my ear piercings. My two aunts on the other hand wouldn't defend me, they're scared of Mamita.

"I didn't say it's stupid, Jellane." Mamita said. "All I'm saying is that the land is too small."

"Then build a higher building," I suggested.

"That's not a good idea. Coastal area tayo, the soil on that particular area of the town is too soft for a building any higher than 8 floors." Laurence added in the conversation. I almost forgot he's taking up geodetical engineering and has made extensive research in Calauag.

"Then expand. Buy the surrounding land." I said, exasperatedly. "Look, nagsu-suggest lang naman ako. You don't have to listen to everything I say."

I stood up and moved to leave when Mamita called out before I could reach the door.

"Jellane."

I sighed before facing them again, all their eyes on me. "Yes, Mamita?"

"If you can make a deal with the owners of the surrounding lands, gagawin namin yang suggestion mo."

I was surprised at what Mamita said and by the look of my aunts, cousins and brothers' reactions, they're surprised too.

"I'm giving you until the end of the month and a 25 million budget cut to convince the landowners." Mamita said, standing up with the help of her wooden and ancient cane.

"25 million?" I was shocked at the amount. "Gaano kalaking lupa po ba ang gusto nyong bilhin?"

Mamita shrugged her hunched shoulders. "Kung gaano kalaki ang kaya mong mabili. Pero, " Her voice dropped into a dangerous tone, "kapag mas maliit pa sa 250 square meters ang lupang makukuha mo, wag mo nang ituloy ang pagbili."

I stared at Mamita's glassy brown eyes and considered the challenge.

"250 square meters. Yun lang pala eh," I smiled, trying to hide my shaking hands. "I can convince the landowners."

"And Jellane," Mamita called out again before I can leave the room. "If you fail, you're getting rid of those excessive piercings."

I nodded and left, feeling furious. Minutes later I just found myself in the playground, standing on the edge of the seawall and looking at the sunset.

I thought Mamita have accepted me or at least let me be with my life. She seemed civil with me yesterday when we talked. But what the heck am I expecting from her? She lives by tradition and religion, someone like me obviously defies those ethics.

"Hindi ko naman kasalanan na ganito ako eh," I said, throwing a rock into the sea.

"Eh kung kaya ko lang maging straight eh," I hurled another rock, watching it soar into the sky and drop into the sea with a plop.

"Galit na galit ka ah,"

I almost stumbled when I turned around too fast.

"Fina!" I gasped, surprised to see who talked.

"Hi," She shyly greeted, waving a hand at me.

"I...uhh...Hi," I greeted back, ashamed that she heard me talking to myself again. "Kanina ka pa jan?"

"Kanina pa, hindi mo kasi ako napansin nung dumating ka. Andun lang ako sa swing," She pointed to the swing set that is now abandoned. "Ayos ka lang?"

I smiled a tired smile at her. "Sana,"

She stepped closer and reached for my arm but stopped herself. She held her elbow and looked down, afraid to look at me straight in the eye. "Anong nangyari?"

"Wala naman," I shook my head. This is a problem I have to face alone. Fina doesn't have to hear me whine about it, instead, I inquired why she didn't make it yesterday. "Ikaw, ayos ka lang? Hindi ka nakarating kahapon eh."

Guilt flashed on her face. "Sorry, nagkasakit kasi ako kahapon."

"Eh?" I worriedly reached for her arm but stopped myself too. "Ayos ka na ba?"

"Oo,"

"Sure ka?"

She nodded and smiled her sweet smile at me. Only now did I realized how happy I am to see her again. The disappointment I felt yesterday disappearing like a bubble in thin air.

"Sure ka bang ayos ka lang?" Fina asked. "Parang galit ka eh,"

"Wala yun, Fina. Don't mind me."

I looked down on my hands where I'm fidgeting with the golden ring on my right pinkie finger. I've had it when I was 13. It was a birthday gift from Mamita and I now have half a mind to throw it to the sea. It had a crescent moon on it and a single small star at the opening as if the moon is about to swallow the small star whole.

Fina's small and soft hands touched mine, holding it tight. I looked at her face, that face that I've now memorized from all the hours I spent staring at our picture.

"Wala ba talaga?" She asked.

I feel like the world is heavy on my shoulders. I'm not worried about what my grandmother wants. I can easily charm the landowners to selling to me as easy as I've charmed all the ladies I got associated with back in Manila. What I'm feeling depressed about is the fact that my own grandmother can't accept me for what I am. We used to be in really good terms when I was a kid, but now she can barely look me in the eye.

Fina must have sensed my bad mood because she slid her thin arms around me.

"Kung ano man yang pinoproblema mo, I'm sure kakayanin mo yan." She silently said to me.

I hugged her tight, grateful for the concern, but not too tight. She felt small and fragile in my arms and if I hug her too tight I might actually squish her.

"Papatunayan ko sakanya." I whispered, looking past her shoulders and into the setting sun. "Matatanggap din nya..."