Redemption [h.s]

sixty-two

Louis

I looked down not to meet the stare of a passerby coming my way. Was it my imagination, or did they really glare at me? I shook my head, telling myself not to be ridiculous. They didn't even know me. And even if they did, there would be no reason for them to do that. I had done nothing bad.
Then why did I feel like that? Was the feeling settling inside my chest guilt? Why was it there?

I had done nothing bad.

"And how are you making it fair exactly? Because so far, I've only seen you cause suffering" she said laughing sourly.

My eyes widened in surprise. Had I really? Somehow, for some unknown reason inside my head, I had never thought about Harry like an actual person. Not since then, at least. Something inside my head just erased the simple possibility of him feeling. I don't know why. I thought he didn't care. Had I really? Had I... broken him, not even knowing it? Had I been fighting a battle that I had already won, for all that time? Why was I doing it?

I thought about Alice, and of how her blue eyes would shine under the sun, as if they were made of glass. I always used to joke around about how I could always see right through her whenever she lied, and in a way, I guess I was right, but it was just because I had seen her grow up into the amazing woman she would've become, not because of the clearness of her eyes. Kind of like mine, but not really. Mine were a bit darker, and had a duller tint to them. When I was younger, I used to wish I had eyes like hers, but when it happened, I was so thankful I hadn't, because, how could've I even borne the sight of them? But now, I would've given anything to see them once again, even if in the reflection of a mirror.

I pulled the hood of my jacket over my head as I felt the cold wind on my cheeks. When was it not windy in London? I hated cold. I didn't even want to live there. I just couldn't help myself, when I saw... him. Harry.

It was the most boring party I'd ever been to. Honestly, everyone just kept getting drunker and drunker, and I hadn't been a heavy drinker since that night. I was feeling out of place, and I was counting the minutes until I could've gone home. Why had I even thought it was a good idea to come all the way down to London for a simple party?

I decided to get myself a glass of water, if they even had water, that is. I made a mental note to smell what they would've given me to make sure it was actually water and not just vodka, because... you know.

I was reaching the bar when I saw him. If I had to name one single person that was more uncomfortable than me at that party, he would've been the first on the list. I stopped in the middle of the room, looking at him from afar. Someone was talking to him, and he was giving them a little smile. Knowing him, he wasn't even listening. He was just as I remembered him, even though it had been years since the last time I had seen him. All of sudden, he looked up, and he saw me. His eyes widened, and I smirked. Fancy seeing you here, I thought to myself, time to have some fun, just like the good, old times.

Did it make me a bad person?

I had done nothing bad.

She wrapped her arms around her chest. "You've been blaming the wrong person since the start" she said.

Had I really? That just wasn't possible. It had to be someone's fault. There was no way that Alice had been taken away by a simple, unpredictable twist of fate. It had to be someone's fault. But if it wasn't Harry's, then whose was it? Alice's? Just the simple thought seemed ridiculous. It wasn't her fault. She wasn't even driving. Was it Harry's, though? Something told me that yes, it was. But at the same time... I didn't know. Was it really possible that that simple chat with Gemma had actually done it? Had she finally made me doubt myself? I chuckled. The simple thought was simply ridiculous. She hadn't.