Touch; Ticci Toby X Reader

C. 33

A circle with an 'X' in it. "Toby did he...that thing--" She can't speak, in horror and she felt used. Tears are suddenly in her eyes, her vision blurry. It all came crashing down. Toby leaving for days, her restless sleeping and now this--...she felt so alone.

It made her tear up her arms the worst they've ever been, it made her carve that into her own skin. And who the hell knows what else it made her do.

He embraces her tightly, "I'm so sorry..." Y/N sinks against him, not knowing he was actually apologizing for two things.

***

Entry 22

One day, I will see you again.

I will plead for you to take me home, so I am no longer alone.

You will hold my hand as you lead the way. With a smile, you will take me far away.

When we get there, you will hold me close, you bring out the remaining hope.

And I will be with you again.

***

She didn't realize she was so far away from the cabin until she noticed they have already been walking for about 20 minutes now. It only resurfaced the fact that she was vulnerable any time of the day to that thing.

The whole way back, Toby held a hatchet in his hand while the other held her shoulder tightly. He seemed very alert of any noise around them and flinched towards any direction where branches of trees rustled. Whenever he did, he would pull her closer, to the point where she felt his heart beat against her back.

They're both paranoid. Especially Y/N, who couldn't stop pondering on what had happened. It was hard to believe that something like this existed. She wouldn't have if hadn't wakened up in the middle of the woods or met BEN, who had black eyes.

Soon enough, they arrive at the cabin.
As soon as they reached the cabin, Toby insisted he left right away. She managed to get him to rest for a while, wanting to soak in his comfort and to not feel alone.

Y/N didn't bother to clean her arms up to remove the dry blood smeared all over her skin, she just wanted to sleep to escape her roaming thoughts.

Sinking deeper in the pile of thick blankets, her eyes flutter halfway shut at the warmth. Toby laid across from her, eyes hazed and deep in thought.

He wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her close, gently rubbing her blanket covered back. Despite the heaviness in her stomach, it fluttered at the feeling of her body pressed against his.

She sunk into the warmth of his side, appreciative of the simple gesture. His touch made the room warmer somehow, her life seems a little less bleak.

There was something so warm, something that felt right, seemed right. She felt him brush her hair back with his fingers and kiss her gently on the forehead. His lips were cold and felt sweet on her skin. Even the smallest things he does make her embarrassed.

"Sleep," Toby speaks against her ear, his breath warm.

"You're just going to leave once I fall asleep."She replies shortly, her eyes fighting to stay open.

He sighs, runs a hand over his face where stubble was already growing, "You know I have to. We have to leave as soon as we can, sunshine. We should have left days ago and it's my fault for not doing it then. I'm sorry."

She doesn't respond, the thought of where he went day after day reappears. Since she doesn't feel like arguing about it, she asks, "What if...what if it shows up again? While you're not here?"

"It won't, it already has done a warning. As for any of its proxies, if someone does come I want you to hide in that compartment, okay? I wish I could take you with me, but if you did come along there's no telling what could happen. The police are still looking for you, they are everywhere and even stopped me one time. One of the crazy assholes could--"

"It's fine, I understand. Just come back soon, okay?"A small smile, eyes sleepy. She feels him hug her a little tighter, a little closer."Of course...of course, I will, sunshine..."

"Now get some rest."

She falls asleep.

When she awakens, Toby is nowhere to be seen. The spot where he once laid was now cold, he must've been gone for hours now.

Being alone, like this reminds her of the times she was in the asylum. The ways she would pace back and forth, counting the lines in the walls or counting the strands of hair on her head.

Just two weeks ago, that's where she was, what she was doing all day long.

Now, so much has changed so fast. This only crosses her mind now. The once weird stranger who showed up at her window was now someone she has come to be so familiar with. Someone she loves.

Without him, she would be in a permanent padded room. Without him, she was nothing but a broken girl who ceased to understand how a world looked outside those walls that seemed to always shrink, closing her in.

And now she was free.

The first month of being in the asylum, she would do nothing but try to kill herself. She tried to hit her head against the wall but she would never do it hard enough.

She tried to starve herself and succeeded for weeks before the mental institution noticed her food was untouched so they gave her a choice; to eat or to be put on fluids through an IV. All other attempts at suicide failed. She started to wash it down the drain, but they still figured it out because, at the time, they actually cared to see if she was okay. They gave up, stopped checking to see if she was still alive.

The following months, she decided she would try for her mother and brother. She wouldn't give up and try to join them. She would try to live, even if it hurt more than dying.

She stuck to that plan for years. The year she met Toby, that hope of ever living outside the walls was fading and was almost gone out of her reach.

Toby did save her, he saved her life. If he never showed up...she wouldn't be here now.

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