Daily Struggles Of Sis

Nightly Thoughts and A Lesson.

Growing up I was bullied, not physically but verbally. Students called me all different types of names and even cyber bullied me, to the point where I was suicidal and I begin to take pills. I had no place to turn and no one to talk to. I felt alone, bitter, and hateful especially towards the people who bullied me. I spent 8 years of my life hating everyone, but five people stood out to me the most. One of the five people are going to be my main focus for today. The one who died.

This man gave me hell. Everyday it was constant jabs and bullshit headed towards me. I was always the "fat this and Precious that." I tried so hard to not let it get to me, but it did. It hit me hard because as people sat there and laughed at me, I felt dead on the inside. The hole , I had that was once called a heart was gone. I hated him for that. I hated him for hurting me. I hated him with every fiber in my body. I hated him and everyone else who bullied me.

I was so bitter, to the point where I envied their happiness because I wasn't able to feel the same. I had no one there to fill my void, and help me save myself from the darkness I once felt, and for that I hated him.

I hated him until it was too late. End of July , was the time that I found out from a friend that he was killed. I didn't know what to say. I wasn't happy, nor was I sad. I didn't feel anything whatsoever. As my friends and family had all these nice things to say, I couldn't say anything. At the moment I was feeling stuck and alone, depression kicked back in on me. That depression had my ass sleep all day, crying at night , and just laying in the darkness. For about four days, I felt horrible about not saying anything, until I prayed to God and came up with the conclusion that it was time for me to let that anger go and so I decided to let God know that I forgive not only the people who bullied me, but everyone else who hurt me.

With that being said you guys..... IT IS IMPERATIVE THAT YOU LEARN HOW TO TRULY FORGIVE PEOPLE!! You don't have to be friends with them, but you sure as hell don't have to hate them either. Being bitter towards a person is unhealthy because you'd end up has in and out sometimes.... I usually sleep or write that away.... I'm sure you guys are probably like why is she telling us this shit at midnight a day after Christmas, but y'all just don't know I really be thinking about this stuff at night . I'm really just ready for this year to end, hopefully I figure myself out by then. I just want my life to fall in place. I know this is ALL OVER the place, but this is literally what's on my mind. That's probably why I'm still tryna write , I Was Never Yours or was it You Were Never Mine???  Damn I forgot 🤦🏾‍♀️, but any who. I'm sorry for bothering you guys soooo late at night it's just I really don't be having people to talk to and everybody is asleep where I'm at.  I really just be sitting here in the dark.... without a care in the world.... well nah with too much care in the world.

I hope y'all read this and learned something from this. You guys are beautiful and don't let these disgusting pissy weave hoes tell you different. You are smart, You are Kind, You are important. You are also beautiful, I don't care what race, what skin color, what height, what size, what religion, and what sexual orientation you are..... YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL....and I Love You. ♥️♥️♥️

~ Sis

P.S. - I am most definitely gonna at least get this part up to 700, shit think it's a game? It's bad enough, I have to go back to my Urban lit and Finish that shit up. Yay I'm at 700.

Okay y'all, Good Night.