8. Thank You, I'm Sorry and Goodbye

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Her..

Worst sleep I ever had. I couldn't get his last words out of my mind, or the fact that he was sleeping only a couple of meters away from me. I also couldn't stop wondering what he meant by that last sentence and my imagination went really, really out of control.

This is so unlike me! I never imagine nor think that much about... you know? Not even with Matthew. Now, how can he do this is to me with one sentence? With one look? Actually, it was one amazingly long heated look, but still. He cannot be into me like that. I shouldn't get too carried away. Maybe he didn't mean it like that at all and it's just my pathetic miserable mind playing tricks on me. I should just stop thinking about it and get out of here already.

I looked at the clock on the nightstand and it was one in the afternoon. I looked over to him on the floor, still peacefully sleeping.

I heard him tossing and turning a few times before I fell asleep around eight. I'm sure his back will hurt as hell when he wakes up. Poor Dean. It's my fault, but it's alright, I know how to fix it. God, how can someone be that handsome? I wonder what the other girls do when he comes near them. No, I don't. I don't want to. I take that back.

He's very hot, very handsome, very well built, tall, strong, clearly rich and his crystal blue eyes would give anyone a heart attack. I swear, when he said that last sentence -the one I promised not to mention again- with his blue gorgeous eyes, I was having difficulty breathing.

I walked over to my suitcases and took out a light blue chiffon dress, then left the room. I saw Jake still sleeping quietly on the big couch.

Didn't he say that he snores?

Anyway, I looked for the bathroom and I changed quickly. I walked back to the room, took out my shoes and got out a piece of paper and a pen.

If I'm going to leave without waking him up, then at least I should write a thank you note. I don't want to be rude. I wish I can wake him up though. I want him to say anything before I go, even if it was a goodbye. I want to see his amazing eyes looking at me one last time. I know I'm going to dream about those eyes for quite some time. I'm really embarrassed to say this, because I know it's wrong on so many levels, but I'm honestly going to miss him. Hold on, I have an idea. No, but I shouldn't. Yeah, but I totally will.

And before I knew it I was walking to the nightstand, taking one of his pictures out of its frame and placing it in my pocket. It was a good picture of him in a suit and a tie, sitting in a big black chair behind a very, very large desk, obviously at an office or something.

I know I shouldn't and I know that he will be really mad that I stole his photo but I want to have anything to remember him by, and I will give him something back in return. Oh, my god, he looks dashing in a suit. Seriously, how could anyone look this handsome, wearing a simple black suit? He was smirking like he did last night right after he ordered the cake. Speaking of, I really like that cake. I wish I knew where he got it from. Anyway, I should write him my note and leave him the goodbye present I have in mind, then go. I really have a long day ahead.

"Dear Dean,

This note has three purposes. It's a Thank you, I'm sorry, and Goodbye note. Yet before I begin, please don't be mad at me.

Firstly, I really want to thank you for everything you have done. You have no idea how much you helped me last night; not just because you put a roof over my head, gave me your bed to comfortably sleep in and fed me that wonderful cake that I've become obsessed with, but also because you took my head off matters that would have devastated me if I kept thinking about.

You made me smile in a time that I really felt like running to a corner and crying till time stops. You made my heart beat in a time that I was sure it was already broken. You simply made me realize that no matter how sad or hurt someone could be, it was still not the end, not even close. You made me see that it wasn't truly that bad, that I could and will be okay again, and seriously, you fed me when I was starving and that really counts! So for all that I deeply want to thank you and let you know how grateful I was that I met someone as kind as you are.

Secondly, I want to tell you that I'm really sorry about everything I did. I'm sorry that I shouted at you, cried in front of you, pushed you more than once, inappropriately mentioned your thing, drove you mad, didn't listen to what you told me, made you about to fight drunk men for me, got out of the car when I knew I shouldn't have, made you spend the night on the floor, and just brought such a hassle upon you all of a sudden. God, that's a long list, but mostly, I'm sorry that I left without waking you up. I know that when you wake up you will be angry with me again but I left you a something that I hope will help.

Thirdly, I want you to know that I truly wished I was braver than I am, so I could wake you up, thank you properly and say goodbye, but I can't do that because I'm not that brave at all. On the contrary, I'm afraid that one look from you and my head would not be able to think straight again and I would want to stay more than I would want to leave, and I just can't have that right now.

I have so much to sort out, and I need my head straight. I hope you understand that I hate goodbyes more than you can imagine and I'm already crying again just writing this down; also, you have a friend less than ten meters away who hasn't seen me cry yet, and you know my issue with crying in front of people, so I prefer this kind of goodbye as selfish as it may seem.

And lastly, I want to say that even though a part of me wishes that I had met you under different circumstances, I'm still glad I did all the same, Dean. Please tell Jake that it was great meeting him as well.

Thank you, I'm sorry and goodbye.
P.S. Apply generously.

-E."

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