Step Father - d o n e

T E A R S

F A U S T

"Are you sure you want to do this?" I ask Sydney as we head to her doctor.

"Of course I am sure. The only one who is unsure here, is you." She spits.

"I don't mean it like that dear."

"Then what do you mean Faust? That you don't want to have children of our own?"

"I just think that right now isn't the time."

"Because you want them with her?"

"I thought we were moving past that."

"It's only been three months Faust. I can't forget what you and Vanessa did. I haven't even seen or heard from her since she left. Do you really think that makes me happy?" She sighs deeply, weighing my heart with sympathy for her, but not guilt. I can't feel guilty about what I did with Vanessa.

"I said I was sorry." I slunk into my seat as Chauncey slows the car down.

"Sorry can't fix my relationship with her Faust." Sydney folds her arms and breaks our eye contact.

Just say you want a divorce already.

I look back at my phone, wishing to hear from Vanessa, but still nothing. I haven't heard anything from her since she walked out on me, on us. My heart still trying to recover from it, yet that's easier said then done. Everyday I miss her presence. If only I hadn't been such a fool to use my cards on mine and Vanessa's rendezvous scandals at the hotel, maybe Sydney would still be in the dark about us and I could still have my true love.

"We're here sir." Chauncey tells me as he halts the car and opens my door. I thank him and open Syd's door, just for her to glide past me without a second glance. I look at the grey building and roll my eyes. How can she think of having children with me, if she doesn't even want to sleep in the same bed as me, let alone even have sex anymore.
*
*
"Thank you again doctor for seeing us again." Syd shakes the doctor's hand gleefully. I do the same, except I lack the same emotion she so happily can give everyone else except me of course.

"Of course, but I have some rather troubling news." He sighs, his already wrinkled face wrinkling more to make a frown.

"What is it?" Syd asks, her hands trembling. I almost want to put my hand over her for reassurance-but I don't.

"Mrs. Ryder, I am afraid that your body cannot allow you to carry any more children. We ran some tests and I'm very sad to say this, but you have cervix cancer." The room goes silent as I hear Sydney stumble for words. My body goes numb as my ears start to ring. "We caught it just in time to start treatment immediately before it spreads elsewhere. I am very sorry for the both of you."

"Wh-when can treatment start?" I find myself speaking in a voice that doesn't seem like my own. Somehow this voice is more cracked and scared; hopeless.

"We can transport you to our cancer center where they'll run more tests and do observation before starting anything." He explains and I can barely hear him over Syd's sobs.

"Am I going to die?" She asks through her tears. The doctor looks at me and I look away not wanting an answer I don't like.

"I can't promise anything Mrs. Ryder, but I can pray that you'll get through this terrible time.
*
*
"Where is she?!" Vanessa runs down the hallway towards me.

"She's getting tests done, we can't see her yet." I explain as I notice her shaking figure.

"How could this happen?" She whimpers and hyperventilates as her eyes water. I wrap my arms around her and bring her into me.

"I don't know, but she'll pull through. I know she will." I say into her head and she grips my torso and gives into her grief and wails into my chest. Her hair is still long and she still has that natural scent of vanilla on her skin.

Now is not the time for this.

I yell at myself as I pull away and look down to meet her eyes. Mascara runs down her plump cheeks and I unknowingly wipe it off with my thumb. He face tilts to fit into my palm as she shuts her eyes as if to soak up my touch as she exhales a deep breath.

"I'm going to move back in." She says and our eyes lock intensely before she pulls away and says, "for mom, not us."

"I understand, and I think she'll appreciate you staying with her. As much as I want to stay home every day with her, I still have to make money to pay for all of this." I rub my face with my hand--which now smells of faint vanilla.

"There you are Vanessa," Mars appears next to Vanessa and takes hold of her hand before kissing her soft lips, "how is she?" He asks, not seeming to notice me.

"We don't know yet, they're running tests on her." She says as her eyes meet my disapproving gaze and she carries no other expression besides guilt.

"Mr. Ryder, I am so sorry. How are you holding up sir? Would you like anything?" Mars's words ramble from him quickly as if he doesn't know how to act in sad situations.

"If you could grab some snacks in the cafeteria for us all, that would be most appreciated." I grit my teeth as I try to hide the fact that I want to rip off all of his limbs for touching Vanessa.

"Of course sir, I'll be back as fast as I can." He says before speed walking down the hall. As his figure becomes a distant out-of-focus blob, I turn back to Vanessa.

"How long?" I sneer.

"Seriously Faust?" She narrows her eyebrows at me in annoyance.

"How fucking long?"

"Three months."

"When did it start?"

"Like a few weeks after I moved in with Em. Why does it matter?"

"It doesn't."

"Then why did you ask in such a pissed off tone?"

"Just drop it, it doesn't even matter."

"It clearly matters to you."

"You really want to do this now?"

"Oh so now you're concerned to start shit when she's around. How convenient for you that she can't exactly waltz out her room. So go ahead Faust, say what you want to say."

"I am not doing this right now. We are here for your mother, not whatever petty shit you're trying to pull over my eyes."

"I'm not pulling anything over anyone's eyes. But if you are going to act like this, then maybe I won't move back in. You really want to break her heart for a second time Faust?" She spits at me and I just sigh.

"I brought sandwiches." Mars says with a smile. I grab one from him, along with a Coke and walk away from them both.