Finding it

30

I don't turn away from the two in front of me. How can I? I can only stare. Katie's arms wraped around another person, as the other person's arms were wrapped around her's. I can't look away. I really can't. I just can't. I want to, but I can't. My heart is a a mix of emotions that are crashing down on my in such a rush that if I could run at this pace, I wouldn't be able to breathe in any air in. It would be like all the air is being sucked out of my lungs. And then my lungs, themselves, are dying. And then there is no way for me to recover. No way at all. It is all just crashing and collapsing around me and there is nothing I can do about it. 

I can't even breathe. 

But yet I am. It just doesn't feel like it. I feel numb as if I haven't breathed in so long and now, it is too late to start breathing again. It is just too late. 

Katie found someone else. She found someone else. Katie found someone else, she is with someone else, she is happy with someone else, is all that runs through my head. I can't think of anything else anymore, it feels like. Its just on repeat, she is no longer mine. She moved on. She moved--

No she wouldn't have without telling me. Without really breaking up with me. She wouldn't cheat on me like I did to Mae. She is better than that, better than me. But then that still doesn't answer the question. 

"What the hell are you two doing?" The voice behind me asks.
"Kia, look, it's not--" Katie says, withdrawing her arms from the other person's body, as she does for him. The other person is Alex. I physically feel my face twitch in dislike. He has been all over Katie since we got her. I don't like hating people, I don't like disliking people, it ruins my well matured boyish fun character. But I do not think I will come around to liking Alex Oaks. 
"Oh, definitely not  with your love- dovey hands all over each other." Kia responds. 
"You and Miranda both don't believe me." Katie says, "What were you and Travis doing here?"
Kia opens her mouth to say that we weren't here together, we just happen to be here at the same time, but I interrupt her. 
"I was just about to ask Kia a question about taking her to The City this weekend." I lie on the spot.
"Oh really? Today is Friday, you guys are gonna go to San Francisco tomorrow?" Katie says lifting and eyebrow at me and Kia both in turn.
"Yes." I say and I hand Kia the flowers I was intending to give to Katie. Damn it, I forgot what today is.

Kia eyes me really quickly but I shoot her a quick look begging her to go along, saying that I will explain later.
Thankfully she agrees. I know she hates me, but thank the Gods she agrees. 

"You were going to take Kia out to The City?" I hear Katie question quietly.
"I mean, why not," I respond without thinking, "if Alex can have his hands on you?" 
She shifts her weight away from Alex. 
"How nice." Alex speaks up.
"Very."
"Also, what a coincidence."
"A coincidence?" I raise my eyebrow, "How so?"
"I just asked Katie here if she would like to go to The City with me this weekend, too."
"Oh really, did you know?" 
"Yes, I did."
"And what did you say Katie?" Kia asks frowning, taking in this situation.
Katie looks at me for a second, then back at the ground, and then me again but this time I'm the one to look  away after a second. Suddenly, my shoes are really interesting. "I said yes, that I would go with him."
"Maybe we can all go together." Alex says, casually but they only press the knife further into the cut. 
"Sure, we'll meet here before we head off tomorrow." Kia says. Well, we gotta go. Bye Kates! Bye Alex!" She says, grabbing my arm and then walking off. 

"Care to explain, you liar?" Kia asks, spitting the words at me once we are out of earshot. "Because there is no way in hell would I like to go to San Francisco with you for a whole weekend, willingly."
"I know, and thank the Gods that you didn't rat me out right then and there." I sigh, "Please don't bail on me, Kianna, I'm begging you, please."
"How do you know my real name?"
"Lucky guess."
"Shut up and explain what is happening."
"I like Katie. I can't loose her. I just came to realize it too late. I lost her before I could tell her that. I just keep messing up." I put my hands over my face and massage my temples. "Look, I am really sorry for bringing you into this, I just need and excuse to talk to her, to explain everything to her. That's actually why I was going to the Third cohort. I was going to explain everything to her, but then I saw her and Alex hugging and its like I short circuited and resulted to something I couldn't stop doing. I lied. I lied and said that we would go to The City as a reason for me to be at their cohort because it seemed like Katie moved on from me and was with Alex. I'm really sorry, I couldn't stop the words from flying out."
"So then what's the plan?"
"What?"
"What's the plan? The reason I haven't slapped you yet is because Katie basically became my best friend. And you seem to really care for her."
"What?" I repeat. 
"Listen," She says slowly, obviously annoyed with me, "I do not like you. I do not like what you've put Katie through--"
"Me neither,"
"But I can tell you really, really like her. It's obvious you really want to be there for her and want to be her one and only."
"Kia, I love her." I admit. Then frown for a second. That is the first time I admitted it to anyone other than myself. I didn't even tell Connor. 
"Well, damn. You're in deep."
"I know." I say, "That's why I have to get her to hear me. I have to or I don't know what else I would do, I just know that I have to keep trying."
"Okay, so back to my question," She says, "what's your plan?"
"I don't know."

It's quiet for about five second before she scoffs at me, "You are pathetically in over your head."
"Gee thanks."
"I am not even kidding, you are head over winged shoes for her."
"Can you help me?"
"As best as I can help you, we can go to pier 39 and look at all the attractions there. Then I can distract Alex and you can ask Katie to talk to you. No guarantees on her agreeing to, you did quite the job of hurting her."
"I know I did. Believe me, I know, so that is why I have to speak to her and make it up to her."
"Also, there will never be a second date, or whatever you want to call this, between you and me."
"Agreed. You aren't very nice."
"And from what I've seen you do, you aren't very nice either."
"Thank you, Kia." I say, but she only rolls her eye, probably thinking I'm being sarcastic."I'm serious, I mean it, thank you."
"Yeah, well, anything to put a real smile on Katie's face."

12 • 31 • 17 ou wow, updated again, did i?yeah, well, ,happy new year.
i love you guys
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