Treat You Better

33.

Finally, it's the weekend, I haven't been at school since everyone found out. Honestly, I don't know if I can ever go back. I want to continue my education and obviously I want to do well so I can go to college but school won't be the right atmosphere for me to achieve the best to my ability.

Maybe I should drop out? I could take classes online, and do all my work at home. I rubbed my temples and stared off into the night. I just want to stop thinking, I am thinking way too much and feeling way too much.

How can one person feel everything and nothing at the same time?

I like watching the nightlife, the sky seems so peaceful, I often wonder about space and all the other life there is out there. I'd love to take pictures of the sky but I don't have the proper technology to show the stars and the cloud cover, instead when I take the pictures they just come out black.

My phone buzzed on the nightstand telling me it had charged, when I came home the other night I decided to keep my phone off for a bit. Disconnecting seemed like a good idea but never the less I put it back on charge a few hours ago, I had made it a couple of days without going on it. I left it on the side and just carried on staring out the window.

But it wouldn't stop buzzing.

It was constant. I glared at it, willing it to stop but it didn't. I walked over to where it lay and saw there was at least twenty messages off Lucas. I haven't spoken to him since the world found out about whatever the fuck was going on with us but it I think he's ready to talk now.

Too bad, I'm not.

We didn't even speak when I turned up at Holden's house on that day. We just completely blanked each other. To think, if we would have just done that to begin with, would any of this shit happened? I scrolled through some of the messages.

From Lucas:

Can we talk?

Holden's told me what's being going on with you.

We need to talk Riley.

Fucking answer your phone.

You're always on your phone, why aren't you answering.

Don't ignore me.

And the many more messages me sent. Until I finally gave in and responded.

To Lucas:

It's not a good idea for us to talk.

Within seconds, he responded.

From Lucas:

So, you are alive. I'm coming over.

I sighed and decided to just ignore it, he wouldn't be able to get in anyway. Instead I just walked back over to the window and continued mindlessly looking out of it. I had completely spaced out and I love it. I hadn't even notice Lucas climbing up the tree next to my window.

"Open it." He ordered, voice muffled through the glass. I shook my head in response and went to walk away. "I will break the glass Riley, don't think I won't."

I glared at him on the other side of the window showing him I wasn't going to back down, I am going to hold my own; he won't break the glass.

Suddenly, he raised his fist. I jumped towards the window and opened it. So much for staying strong.

"What the ever-loving fuck is wrong with you." I said walking away from the window as he climbed into my room.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?" He countered. "You've been binge drinking and popping pills are you insane?"

"What do you care?" I retorted.

"Don't do that." He sneered.

"Do what?" I almost shouted, I'm trying to keep my voice low because my family is asleep but at this point I don't think they could get any more disappointed in me.

"Act like I don't care about you." I ran my hands through my hair and pulled on my roots, feeling frustrated.

"What do you want Lucas?" I asked, reverting back to the name I knew pissed him off.

"Luke." He growled.

"I don't care, what the fuck do you want?!" I shouted.

"What do I want?!" He shouted back.

"Yeah!" It was just one big screaming match, I am positive we have not only just woken my parents up but everyone on the block.

"I want for you to talk to me, I want for you to not push me away and turn to fucking booze and drugs to make you feel better. You seem to forget that it was both of us that did this. I want you to feel like you can talk to me." He ranted. "But most of all, I want nothing more than for you to be standing in front me, wearing only that diamond necklace and heels."

I was taken aback by what he was saying, he went from yelling at me to coming on to me. Only he could do that; turn an argument into something so heated. If I wasn't so pissed at him I would have probably kissed him, but I am too angry at everything, I have no right to be since it is all my fault- if I hadn't have gotten so drunk that night at Tyler's party I never would have kissed Luke and none of this would have ever happened.

We stood just looking at each other- seems to be happening a lot me recently, people around me are struggling for words and I am struggling to speak. I have so much I want to say but I have already don't enough damage.

"I think it's best if we don't talk for a while." I whispered, "Things are pretty fucked right now."

Lucas went to say something but I didn't let him, I just stepped back and held my hand out as if to say 'stop'. I know it's wrong, I shouldn't be punishing him for something that's all my fault. I slipped on my shoes and walked out of the room. I raided my parents liquor cabinet, put on my coat and walked out of the house.

They should really put a lock on it.

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A/N

I really just want to get this finished because I am so excited to write the 2nd and 3rd books. 

~Jadey6688