DYING OF THE LIGHT ➣ BEN SOLO

THIRTEEN

[ LEARN TO LET GO ]

THEY CAME FOR HALO FIRST.

it was something she was immeasurably grateful for. it gave rey more time to prepare.

she thought of rey as the storm trooper who had retrieved her pulled her through the endless halls in the starkiller base. halo had done everything she could to help her to protect her mind. and even though rey had done well with halo, that wasn't to say she would do the same when faced with kylo ren. his masked stature was formidable. especially to a lonely girl from jakku, who had never seen a forest until adulthood.

the trooper led her into a room, and roughly pushed her against a strange seat in the middle. halo was vaguely aware of metal bindings encasing her arms as the trooper strapped her to a seat she was sure they only used for interrogations. it was menacing, but halo hardly noticed. she was anticipating what was to come, and it clouded her senses.

an interval passed in silence. she could sense no one near. but it vanished as quickly as it came. and then, she recognized that she was no longer alone.

she closed her eyes. her dark lashes brushed her cheeks. her lips pressed together lightly. she felt something new, something strange deep inside of her. stretching from the bottom of her stomach to the tip of her nose. a feeling that clung to her soul, yet retracted from it at the same time. it was dark. and cold.

her blue eyes opened, and he was there.

the blank countenance of his masked face watched her. her jaw flexed, a habitual mechanism to the anger that bubbled up inside of her. being close to him felt so different now. it chilled her, sent goosebumps down her neck. he had become so dark.

"i know you've seen the map."

his voice was distorted by the rebreather. she wondered if that was what darth vader had sounded like. she wondered if that was kylo ren's goal.

"i know you'll give it to me."

her lips pressed together firmly. there was no movement at all in her eyes, they remained perfectly locked on the space where his were. she had never felt this much fury inside of her. the force moved uncomfortably inside of her, and she could feel the cool fingers of the dark side of it probing her mind.
her anger must have triggered it.

almost immediately, she sucked in a deep breath, and the feeling was gone.

kylo ren tilted his head. she could feel the frustration radiating from him. if he thought this was going to be easy, he was wrong.

"take off the mask."

her voice was low. venomous. different than she had ever heard it. she didn't know why she wanted to see his face so badly, perhaps it was to remind her that there was still a human somewhere underneath the new image he had created for himself. maybe it was to prove that ben solo and kylo ren were even the same people. he was so different now. so different that it didn't even same real.

he stared at her for a moment longer before raising his hands slowly to the curve of his jaw. he pressed a button, and the sound of his rebreather vanished. and in a second, a second as long as a lifetime, it was gone.

it took her a moment to realize that she was no longer breathing. her eyes brimmed with tears, and she felt her fury slip away. seeing him was more painful then she ever could have imagined.

his pale skin was the same as she had remembered. all the freckles and tiny scars were still there. his dark curls hung haphazardly about his face, framing his dark eyes. her blue ones were swallowed up by them. they were far more vast than they ever had been. empty. hollow. lonely.

as her watery eyes traveled his face, she recounted every time she had looked on him like this. this face was at the forefront of her youth. he had been there for everything. those eyes, that mouth, the hair, all of it. it had been in every part of every moment of her life.

"you've changed," halo choked out, her voice thick with the tears in her eyes.

"people do," he said, his voice even and suppressed. "and yet i see that you have not."

"i know myself well enough," halo uttered. "can you say the same?"

he pursed his full lips, balling his hands into fists at his side. she noticed the way that his eyes moved, cast themselves down, as if he was afraid to look upon her. it reminded her of something. a dream, perhaps, of a time long passed.

as he watched her, she could feel everything he felt. and above all things, all the darkness that encompassed him, there was conflict. an inner battle that was being fought with such intensity that it almost burned her. she could feel his soul being ripped apart right before her eyes, she could feel it. and the pitiful image did not bring her sadness. it brought her hope.

maybe he was still inside. maybe he had not been completely lost to the dark side. maybe.

but then, she remembered. she remembered all the pain he had caused. the wreckage he had made of her life, of luke's life. the anger began to smolder inside of her once more.

"how could you do this?" she whispered, not realizing the words she had spoken until she did.

"you had everything. how could you let it go?"

his eyes darkened. she felt him trying to probe her mind, but to no avail. his frustration was growing, and so was the conflict. she could feel it so much that she felt like she was going to explode. there were too many emotions inside of her. she was not trained to handle this kind of heartbreak.

"you'll never know the pain you've caused me," halo whispered, feeling her tears spilling from her eyes. "i think of your damned face every time i close my eyes. i hear your voice in my ear. and every time i do, i die a little more. you've been killing me since we met. and i trusted you so much."

there was a flicker of something unreadable over his face. she couldn't tell if he was even listening, but she couldn't stop now. all the bitter years of anger and betrayal were coming out now. like a floodgate had been opened.

"i gave you everything." her voice shook as she spoke.

"i know."

the sound of his voice, his real voice, tore her apart. she couldn't take it anymore. she couldn't look at his face and hear his voice. she had worked too hard and suffered too much. she didn't deserve this.

her eyes narrowed, despite the haziness of her tear-filled vision. she collected herself, pushed away the flood of emotions that threatened to betray her, and took in a deep breath. she wouldn't give him the satisfaction of seeing the pain he caused any longer.

"you're not getting the map," she said, her voice low and lifeless. "you never will. not from me, not from rey. not now. not ever."

the moment she finished speaking, he turned and left.

as he walked away, she heard the sound of shouting.

and the sound of a lightsaber meeting metal.

[ lol kylo ben has a lil temper tantrum at the end there

( i could not stop laughing at every one he had in the force awakens oml they're too good )

if anyone is even reading this, thank you so much. from the bottom of my heart. i've never made it this far in a fic, and i'm so so happy and proud of myself that i have.

i love you 💞

- kona ]