Suicide Helpline

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S H A N E | C A L I E N T E ' S | R U L E S | F O R | L I V I N G 

1: THERE ARE NO RULES so pay absolutely no attention to the rules below. If you live by rules then you arenot truly living. I'm slowly learning this but it's not exactly something that I can say has sunk in.  It is, however, something that I believe in. It is safe to say that I am not exactly the perfect follower of this belief. But then again, if the human race were able to fully execute the things they believed in then it wouldn't be so messed up now, would it? So, no, I do not find it easy to follow this rule. Without rules, for me, life loses its structure but I suppose it's just because I've been living like this for so long. I am trying though. I really am.

2. DONT DIE. Pretty simple, isn't it? Just you wait. The more you live the harder it becomes to take each breath. Trust me, it is a particular area of expertise for me. Life isn't as great as it's made out to be. Sometimes I imagine all those dead people grinning down at us looking at all the mess they left behind. Some days I bet they're enjoying themselves. How could they not be? Care-free and not having to worry about a thing. It sounds brilliant, doesn't it? Then there are the few days that I'm glad to be alive. These days are limited, to say the least, but have certainly increased in the past month (see rule 10 as to why).

3. DON'T BE LIKE SHANE CALIENTE. Or, in fact, don't be like anyone. Not even the fabricated illusion of perfection in your head. Be yourself because people value true smiles far more than fake ones. If they can tell the difference it breaks them to see the latter. If you don't be yourself you may just find yourself wanting to end yourself. Yes, I speak from experience.

4. BREATHE. I'm running out of ideas here but the dumb website said that in order to feel better I had to come up with ten rules so I'm clutching at straws here.

5. DON'T TYPE "HOW TO STOP SUICIDAL THOUGHTS" INTO GOOGLE. You'll come up with some really depressing stuff. It seems that the internet does not know everything. Google does not understand the way my mind works. For example, this list of rules that was supposed to make me feel better is just making me kind of sad that I don't really have any good advice to give. Well done Google, you've officially made me realise that I've been living life wrong.

6: DON'T FOOL YOURSELF INTO THINKING THAT YOU ARE HAPPY. Once again, yes, I speak from experience. Telling yourself that your messed up life is great is only going to make you feel worse about it. So, quite frankly, don't do that to yourself. Accept that your life is chaos and slowly try to unravel it. 

7. ACCEPT YOURSELF. Yay. Yet another thing that I have not quite achieved. I'm getting there, I guess. I'm beginning to see that fragmented pieces of a stained glass window are actually more beautiful than the full picture. It's just hard, you know? When you've been living in the darkness inside yourself for so long it kind of hurts to see the light. This rule is probably the most important (you know, apart from breathing and not dying, those are pretty vital too) because without it you don't stand a chance. So yes, I have been living life wrong and I will continue to out of spite that the world wants me to be perfect when it isn't perfect istelf. I guess the place to start would be looking in the mirror and pointing out your good qualities instead of your faults (trust me, it's harder than it seems, especially when you have the rest of the world to compare your yourself to). I guess that's another thing, isn't it? Part of accepting yourself is to stop comparing yourself to everyone else. I think that's the hardest part. With so many people in the world, how can you not judge yourself against them?

8. UNDERSTAND HOW POWERFUL YOUR WORDS ARE. Use them sparingly and graciously. Think about the thing you are about to say before you say it. The person listening is probably hiding more behind their smile than you think. Not only have I been a wielder of this certain curse but also a victim. Sometimes people just don't see how much their words are going to hurt the people listening.

9. DON'T BE RECKLESS. Think about what you are doing. Think what could potentially happen as a consequence. Leave no thought unturned, no matter how unlikely it is. To put it simply, don't go off and do something without having a clue of what you're doing first. Just take a moment to stop and think. Are you really sure that this is the best thing you could do to solve the situation? Are you really sure that this isn't going to end in my death? Are you really sure you are in the right state of mind to be doing this? I don't really need to say that I talk from experience.

10. TALK TO, MEET AND FALL IN LOVE WITH CLEOPATRA REBECCA QUINN (yes I found out her middle name from Facebook, sue me). It may seem a small feat but trust me, it helps. She may not have the glue to put you back together with but she may just have the paint that will make your shattered glass look beautiful once more. She's the kind of person that makes you question yourself. Am I really that awful? If she can accept me then why can't I? 

*note* side effects include feeling slightly helpless and may cause you to type, "How To Stop Suicidal Thoughts", into Google because you just feel so undeniably guilty that you are still having such thoughts when you now have something to leave behind when you leave."