Secret Admirer (2) [bts]

20%

If you like secret admirer book, you definitely should watch "A love so beautiful" and "It's the first time" 

A love so beautiful is a Chinese drama and the actor is just JFKSJFJJD bae. The drama is so cute and I feel like it is similar to this secret admirer book 1. Like how the girl really likes the guy and stuffs all those fluffs so if you have time, go watch itttt 

The above video is like a fmv of the drama :3 maybe watch it too ehehe 

"It's the first time" has KIM MIN JAE in it so that's a plus 

Don't forget to read the previous chapter 19% because it's double update today ☺️ 

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- song playing

Oh, love

How I miss you every single day when i see you on those streets

Oh, love

Tell me there's a river I can swim that will bring you back to me

Cause I don't know how to love someone else

I don't know how to forget your face

Oh, love

God, I miss you every single day when you're so far away

I swing my legs back and forth with my stare fixed on the grass beneath me.

My parents just got back from their business trip this morning and since they weren't here on my birthday, I decided to sleepover for the night.

And not so surprisingly, i couldn't fall asleep and just kept looking at his room, while reminiscing our tons of memories we had here.

His room was dark — the lights were closed, like always.

Figuring I wouldn't probably fall asleep until morning, I decided to walk to the nearby small park to even make myself sadder. Yeah, I know. I guess it's one of my hobbies to make myself sad and depressed.

When I'm sad, I listen to sad songs to even make myself sadder. When I miss someone, I look back at our memories to make myself more emotional. I don't know why I'm like this too.

It's 2 in the morning and I'm alone in this park which is totally not creepy at all. The fact that ghosts are strongest at 3 am has been running at the back of my head since the moment i stepped out of the house.

And when I hear a person's voice beside me, I realized that the fact is wrong and that ghosts can be strong anytime.

Me being me, I choose to act like I didn't hear the voice and just continued to increase the volume of the song being played at the moment.

I didn't expect ghosts to know that music comes out from earbuds and they help you block the surroundings around you. Because guess what?

This ghost just took off one of my earbuds.

"It's not a ghost." It says.

For a millisecond, I felt like my heart actually stopped when I heard the voice.

That familiar voice.

I look up immediately to see him looking down at me with boredom written all over his face like usual.

"Why are you here at this hour?" He asks, occupying the swing beside mine.

I blink, "Y-You are not dead, right?"

He looks at me, scrunching his nose — a habit of his. "Are you stupid? I've been staying here."

I clear my throat because for no reason, it seems like something is stuck in my throat. Maybe those are the words I can't get to say out loud — like how much I miss him.

"Why?" I ask.

Silence is his reply for a few seconds before he shrugs, "Stuffs happen. You haven't answered my question."

"What question?"

"Why are you here at this hour?" He repeats the question he asked me minutes ago.

I was crying over you.

"I couldn't sleep." I answer timidly and start to play with my the ends of my sweater sleeves out of nervousness.

He nods and both of us just sit there in silence with my mind filled with millions of questions and with my heart mixed with all types of emotions that can exist.

"I'm not dating Suran." He abruptly says out of nowhere.

I whip my head to the left and look at him, wide eyed. He glances at me, poking his inner cheek with his tongue — another habit of his.

He continues, "Just so you know."

"So.." I trail off, "Is it MoMo?"

"No. You are dating Jimin right?" He asks suddenly, taking me by surprise.

Speechless and not knowing the answer myself, it takes me a few seconds to answer to his question.

"We are not."

"Isn't that a lie?" He scoffs.

"It's not."

"I've seen the way you look at him." He pauses, "It was how you used to look at me."

When he looks at me just to see my priceless and confused expression, he says, "Well, if you say you guys aren't then it means you guys aren't."

After a while of gaining enough courage, i utter, "Yoongi, don't you think i deserve an explanation? You keep playing with me. You said you didn't want me anymore and then the next second, you were kissing me. You told me to leave and then, i found you with flowers at my doorstep. But then on the same day, you told me you regret dating me and now, you are talking to me like nothing happened."

"You are nothing different. You tell me you love me but when I leave, I see you with him." He says, "It's easy for you to replace me."

"I saw you with two different girls too, Yoongi. And for your information, you left. I never did."

He stares at me — a bit too long at that, that I realize I've already started crying. I look away quickly and wipe away my tears before heaving a long sigh.

"My parents divorced." He reveals and chuckles bitterly when i look at him with wide eyes, "Surprising, right? I never knew something like that would happen until the day my mom told me."

And he has mental depression.

He told me before — long ago, that he always fought with his inner demons and that he used to hate himself so much. But when I came into his life, it felt like he won over the demons inside him and that I made him genuinely happy.

"And the same morning I heard the news from my mom, I came to you. I saw another guy in your room — shirtless. Everyone knows he's your best friend but it doesn't help it when he's really good-looking. A lot better than me."

And he also struggles with depression over his appearance.

"So when I came running to you with the news that my parents are divorcing because my dad has another woman and then see you with him in your room, the first thing that flashed in my mind was you cheated on me with him. Because, why not? He has everything I don't. I know. I know it was childish. It was immature of me to think that and break up with you right there and then. You didn't deserve any of th—"

"I did." I utter, "I cheated on you with Jimin.