All I Want

10

I don't remember much after that shower.

I remember falling through the ice, the water was dark and cold. It was so painful, the sharp ice cutting my skin and the water so brisk that it felt like millions of dull knives were being jabbed into me. I remember the awful taste of the water flooding into me as my last breath escaped me.

I remember an overwhelming emptiness that surrounded me after that. There was no more pain and my body felt weightless.

In that emptiness, I saw Jace; he was blurry and far away, but he was standing there, throwing his arms in the air as if banging on a wall or door. I could see him screaming, trying desperately to get to me, but suddenly the emptiness disappeared, Jace along with it, and my eyes opened to see Taehyung hovered over me, tears streaming down his face, his lips blue, and his strips of wet hair starting to freeze.

He brought me inside, stripped me of my drenched clothes, and held me against his naked body while the hot water from the shower poured on to us. Thinking of it now makes me cringe, but at the time, I was so cold that, that I practically craved the warmth coming from every crevice of his body. After we both warmed up, he dressed me in layers of clothing and tucked me into bed, pulling me to his chest and hugging me for the rest of the night.

I hated every second of it because I knew he got exactly what he wanted; I was helpless and drained of energy, putty in his hands. I had to rely on him for my safety, which is what he's preached about since day one.

~

"Good morning, my love." Taehyung cooed next to me. "Are you still cold?"

"N-no. I'm fine now."

"Oh good. You really scared me, Mai, you know that?"

I didn't respond, but instead, realized that I had only been with Taehyung for two days and I nearly died. But that didn't bother me, no, the fact that he wouldn't let me die bothered me. At this point, I considered that death would be the only way to escape him, but I could never force myself to actually do it.

I stood up from the bed and walked out of the room and into the kitchen. Taehyung followed as I grabbed a glass of water.

"Mai, darling, is everything alright?" He asked as he saw my dull expression.

"I almost died twice with you." I muttered, facing the kitchen sink.

There was a pause. I could hear the shuffle of his feet stop behind me; he was probably baffled by my comment.

"What do you mean?"

"You justify your actions by saying that you're protecting me; keeping me safe and out of harm's way. But you don't even realize that the danger in my life happens because of you, it comes from you, it is you."

"Mai-"

Before he could finish, I turned around and continued, "The night I escaped, you said that you'd punish me- that you'd hurt me so badly that I'd beg for death. And when everything seemed safe afterwards, after you were gone and I was free of you, you crashed the cab I was sitting in; you watching as it tumbled down that hill next to the road."

"Mai, that's enough-"

"And yesterday, me falling into the lake. Did you ever think that I wanted that to happen? That I wanted to die? I mean, it'd be the only way that I'd be free of you; free of the deranged maniac that takes me away from everything I love. Oh wait, you'd probably follow me into death; you wouldn't even let me rest in peace, would you?"

"Watch your mouth!" Taehyung yelled, gripping my chin with force.

"Why?! Because I'm suppose to be some pet to you?! Because in your psychotic head you own me?! How many times will it take for you to realize that I don't want you!" It was then that I felt the familiar sting of Taehyung's hand slap across my cheek.

I fell to the floor, my hands clapping against the tile as I caught myself. My cheek burned but my anger burned brighter.

"What has he done to you?! Ugh! You used to be so innocent and obedient! But since that leach you call your fiance has entered your life, your brain has been scrambled! I saved you from that!" He yelled, frantically pacing back and forth.

"You don't know anything about Jace! He spends every second of his life protecting me, really protecting me, and not like this bullshit you preach! Can't you see, you're the monster in this story!!"

"That's it!" Taehyung grabbed my arm with one hand and securely wrapped his other hand around the back of my neck, forcing me to my feet and pulling me down the hall.

As he dragged me further through the hall, I screamed as his nails dug deeper into my neck. When we stopped, there was a door with the same kind of lock that is on the front door. Taehyung released my neck and pressed his thumb against the pad, opening the door to a stair case. So the house wasn't one level?

"You've been a very bad girl, Mai! I didn't want to show you this until the right time came but, you really pissed me off!" He spat through his clenched teeth and pulled me down the stairs.

The basement was cold and dark and had a damp odor to it. But as Taehyung pulled me further, I saw a small light bulb dangled above a chair. It was dark, but there seemed to be someone in the chair.

Taehyung threw me to the ground and reached for the bulb.

"The next time you decide to misbehave and act like a disobedient brat, think of this!" He growled and switched on the light.

"Oh my- oh my god- Jace?!" I whispered.