15: The White Room

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There's a freedom in death that you'd like to have.

If you were gone, that would be it. No more running, no more hiding, no more fear. Your family would stop looking for you, and the Bangtan Boys wouldn't have to face your problems.

It would be so easy to slip out of the responsibilities of living in this world.

But, there are reasons you have to stay.

You can see it in your head, the way Jisoo cries when your body is found lifeless and pale. You can see the grief wracking her small body, the absolute despair staining the beauty of her face.

You can see countless bodyguards and tutors that have watched over you your entire life with their heads bowed in sorrow, knowing that it was their unwilling deceit that led to your demise.

And you can see your father.

He's not crying, not sad - only coldly disappointed in the fact that his perfectly-bred heir is gone.

Yeah.

That's one of the reasons you have to live.

You want to be alive, and defy him as long as you can. You want to take the mould he created for you to fit in and tear it into pieces, and become your own person. You want to live your life the way you want to, not how he wants you to.

You don't want to hurt people.

You never want to be found.

You just want to spend the entirety of your life barely out of that man's reach, a specter of failure hovering on the edge of his vision that ruins his perfectly constructed world.

So, you do want to die, but you also don't.

However, you'll choose death any day before returning to that gilded bird cage in your father's glistening home.

So, yes.

You say, "Kill me. Just do it now."

And you close your eyes and wait for the tattoo artist with the black hair and ebony diamond eyes, the one with milky skin and soft red lips, and a tattoo that connects to yours...you wait for him to send you out of this world.

And you wait.

And wait.

Finally, when there's been no light at the end of the tunnel for you to walk into for quite some time, you peel open one eye.

They're all just...sitting there.

"You know what?" Jungkook slides the clip from his gun, then slaps the empty weapon down by his side. "No. I'm not done with you."

"Was that supposed to be some kind of reverse psychology?" Taehyung whispers to Jin, eyeing you like you're crazy.

Broad shoulders shrugging, Jin turns to the youngest and continues to attend to his wound. They all act like nothing happened.

"Hey," you protest. "You were supposed to kill me! Go ahead! I'm waiting."

"No," Jungkook says absently with a wince. Jin wraps some medical wrap around his arm and shoulder, but there's still a blossom of red leaking trough the pristine white gauze.

"Please." You aren't too proud to beg at the prospect of being delivered back to that Hell with a pretty bow tied around your neck. Getting down on your knees, you do your best to hold yourself still against the van's movement and look into Jungkook's endless eyes. "Don't send me back. I'll do anything..."

You will.

Anything.

Slowly, one black eyebrow arches inquisitively.

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