Satisfied (Oikawa Tooru x Reader) Haikyuu!

Twelve: Stay

It were your lips pushing against his. He widened his eyes in shock, and, losing his balance, he almost fell down. But at the last moment he managed to prop his hands on the floor, this way avoiding the fall. As you broke off of the boy's lips, you lowered your head, panting. Sitting between Oikawa's slightly hunched legs and resting your hands on his chest, you were trying to calm down.

Surprised Oikawa remained silent, processing what just happened.

It was obvious that it wasn't a normal kiss. You had never initiated one before and the boy could feel that this one was filled with deep desperation.

"You said that I can show you what happened", you finally coughed up as you cooled down a little bit.

"Eh?", this time it was Oikawa who couldn't let out a word.

"This kiss right now was no different from any of our other kisses", you said after inhaling deeply. "It was as meaningless as all of them. At least for you. Because when it comes to me...", you paused, clenching your teeth. "I'm still hopelessly in love with you". Oikawa goggled at you, feeling his own heart clench at your words. "And I have no idea how to give up on you", you continued, your voice becoming quieter and quieter.

"Why? Why do you like me even though I rejected you and even though I use you?", Oikawa asked quietly after a moment of silence. He lifted up his shoulders and clenched his fists, feeling a great wave of anger overflowing him. He was angry at himself for driving you to such a heartbreaking state because of his selfishness.

If you hadn't hidden your face in his chest, he would see you smiling awry.

"Because I like you too much. And I also enjoy kissing you. The feeling of uncertainty when you're getting close to me, the moment of fulfiling my own need to touch you...", your eyes were dreamy, but somehow distant. "The thing is that even though we act like a couple I know that you don't feel the same about me as I do for you", you replied. "I've dreamt of being this close to you, of feeling your touch, of kissing you for such a long time", you added after a moment of silence. Oikawa gaped at you in astonishment, his cheeks growing slightly red in embarrassment. "But in reality it felt even better than I imagined. Your touch, your kiss, your dry lips, your warmth, your scent. I guess I became addicted to them. I'm such a masochist", you said. "Even though doing this hurts and makes me aware of the fact that you don't like me, I still yearn for more from you", you looked up and smiled lightly. "I guess that if it comes to you, I will never be satisfied, Tooru".

It was too much for Oikawa to take. Your words, your fragile figure leaning on his chest, calling him by his name - all of it made him weak to the point that he nearly collapsed. His heart was beating madly, his cheeks were hued with red, and he felt a sudden urge to nail you down to the floor and kiss you to death. But because of the situation, he resisted this impulse.

"W-What should I do?", he asked instead, his own shy voice surprising him. It was the first time you managed to unhinge him.

"Just let me stay like this", you mumbled into his chest.

His warmth, his scent, the way his firm chest felt in your hands, you knew you should remember it - because it would be the last time you let yourself make such upfront actions.

"Actually I was going to break our agreement", you heard Oikawa's voice over your head. You didn't have to look up to sense the confusion he was filled with. You smiled to yourself. It meant that he didn't really want to end this.

You inhaled deeply before answering:

"I figured it out. But don't do this", your voice was confident, no sign of hesitation could be heard. Oikawa widened his eyes and furrowed his eyebrows. He reached for your chin and lifted your head lightly to look you in the eyes. He ignored the fact that your faces were incredibly close to each other. He couldn't control his blush either way, and the same went to you.

"What do you mean?", Oikawa asked, not understanding your way of thinking.

"It was a moment of weakness", you explained, trying hard not to move your eyes to the side. "I don't want this incident to influence our relationship. Nor our agreement", you accented the last word, implying that you still wanted to continue what you were doing up until now.

"But you said that you're hurt", Oikawa replied, confused. He didn't want to show that he was actually happy about your words.

"I'd be in love with you even if we stopped doing this and it would hurt me as much, so please, at least let me satisfy you", you answered.

Maybe it wasn't the whole truth. Maybe if Oikawa broke the agreement, you would be able to forget about him. But for now you didn't want to forget him.

You gazed at the boy who was thinking deeply about the response.

That's what you were afraid of. That telling Oikawa about your feelings would make him too worried about you and that he would want to break the agreement. You cursed at yourself for doing that, ready to receive Oikawa's refusal.

"Are you sure? Even though I said I'm not willing to requit your feelings?", he asked once again.

"Yes", you replied squarely.

"If it comes to me... As I said - kissing you feels good... So I would like to continue this... But I'm still worried...", he bethought out loud.

"If I feel like I won't bear this, I will break the agreement", you affirmed him.

For you, it was an obvious lie. All this time you felt on the verge of enduring your unrequited feelings, but still, you desperately held to your agreement. As you said, you were a masochist.

"Okay", Oikawa said, and you smiled to him with relief.

Everything was back to normal.