Shades Darker | BWWM

Soul Check ✨

On Sunday I woke up feeling like shit. My mouth was like cotton, my throat was crying and my head was pounding. Lucky me, I also had to go to work that do so I was all sluggish and irritated. Now it's Monday and I'm still in a bad mood.

I woke up way before my alarm because there was just too much on my mind. I was able to hide away from society on Sunday but I can't do that anymore. I have to go to school and face people.

Face him.

I knew that trick Vanessa has probably yapped her gums to everyone by now. I watched her Snapchat religiously in case she wanted to be funny and try something. So far, nothing. I still can't believe what happened, I actually lost the game.

Everyone else thinks I've won but I know I didn't and he certainly knows that. So where do we go from here? I've invested so much energy into hating him and making sure that other people knew and now things have changed.

It's not like I can just erase what happened, how I felt because that close to him. I use to stand firm on the fact that we were so different and now I don't even know where I stand. Do I like him, do I not?

My alarm finally goes off and I run my hands down my face. I take in a deep breath and let it out before getting up to get ready for school. I decide in spirit of my bummy attitude to have a bummy day today. Throwing on my Adidas sweatsuit and my slides I pull my hair back into a pony-tail.

I wash up in the bathroom and when I'm done I grab my bag and head downstairs for breakfast. I enter the kitchen and see Keon eating cereal while scrolling through his phone. David, on the other hand, his thumbs are flying across the phone screen. He seems really invested because his eyebrows are scrunched together and his demeanor implies he's having a rough morning.

I ask if ma left and he curtly answers yes. I grab a bowl from the cabinet and my Oh's from atop the fridge as well as the milk inside. I take a seat and without looking up from his phone David speaks up.

"Did ya'll hear her come in late last night?" I scoff lightly, I was too busy sleeping like a normal person.

"What time did she come in?"

"A little after midnight, for a school teacher she sure is busy" David continues and both Keon and I look at one another. Is he still on this? For weeks David has been trying to convince us that ma is seeing someone.

The very thought is crazy because I know she'd never date again, not after what happened with dad.

"Bro I am telling you ma is not seeing someone" Keon states while putting a spoonful of frosted flakes in his mouth. I second that telling him that ma has just been working late. He finally looks up from his phone and stares at us like we're stupid.

"Ma is sneaking around, coming in late leaving early always locked in her room and yall don't find that weird?" He asks and all I can think of is that ma is a grown woman.

Who I look like questioning her? That's the quickest way to get your teeth knocked out! Rule #1, you stay outta grown folk business. Plus she's probably just feeling lonely, the love of her life is gone. That's enough to send anyone into isolation.

"Well, dad's birthday is coming up, she's probably just feeling really vulnerable right now" Keon suggests and the table falls quiet.

Dad's birthday is one of the hardest times of the year. Every morning on his birthday we'd all get up and make him breakfast. He'd drive us to school and pick us up and then we'd go out to dinner. We'd make the servers sing him happy birthday even though he hated it but we loved it. Seeing the look on his face when they came over with some cake was always priceless.