Paul and Dawn: First Light

Chapter 56: Stolen

Chapter 56: Stolen 

Everything inside me felt dead. Numb. Nonexistent.  

Now there's nothing stopping you from becoming the best Pokemon Trainer, a voice in my head told me. You will be the strongest. You will become whatever you want to be and nothing will stand in your way. 

But what is the point in being the best if I had nothing else? I wondered. 

I don't know how long I stood where Dawn had left me. Time had ceased to exist. My thoughts were sluggish and I hoped that I had dreamed the entire thing up, that this nightmarish conversation had never taken place, by just standing here by myself was a promise that the moments before weren't real. Our exchange was more plausibly a hallucination if I didn't think to prove myself wrong.  

A hallucination did not explain my deadness, the way my eyes searched the forest and found nothing, the way breathing felt raw, my churning stomach. 

What had I done? 

It felt too late to stop, to change my mind. I'd hurt her too much already. Why had I allowed myself all these months to hurt Dawn with my words, my actions, my secrets for how I felt about her? Why hadn't I forced her to leave before any of this could have happened?  

Because I had been selfish. Because I hadn't known I'd develop these feelings for her, because her company was too appealing. How had I not noticed how much I longed for her even then, weeks into our arrangement? 

Why was I such an idiot? 

These questions swirled in my head, refusing to leave, plaguing me. 

I heard something come through the trees and a tug at my ankle. I looked down. 

Bagon. 

I didn't say anything to him. I looked away as if he wasn't there despite how worried he seemed. I couldn't make myself care. I was too lost in emotion, something I'd never wanted to get lost in before. Trapped in aching agony.  

I heard the voice in my head again, The great and powerful Paul, submitting to weaknesses he swore never to let undermine him.  

It sounded like something I would have said before Dawn. Before I'd changed. Why had I been such a jerk? Had I been that unloved my entire life that I truly hadn't known how to love? I'd resented my childhood, and still did, but now I pitied myself more than anything. 

And yet I had changed. 

I'd changed who I was, but not on my own. Dawn had changed me. I wasn't as cruel as I used to be. I used to consider my newfound softness a bad thing, but now I cringed at who I once was. 

Without Dawn, I wouldn't be who I was now. Without Dawn, I wasn't sure who I would become again. 

I knew that. I knew that when I'd decided not to be with her. Was I truly that afraid of losing her, of us not working out after growing even closer that I wanted her to leave now? Yes, she was leaving, and it was painful. For the rest of my life I would wonder what happened to her, who she married, if she was happy. 

I knew I wouldn't be happy now without her. I wasn't who I once was and I couldn't be myself without her, even if that meant possibly breaking worse in the future. She was worth a chance. Of course she was. Why had I been such an idiot to not see that before? 

"Dawn," I whispered, snapping back into focus in the real world. 

Bagon pushed me frantically and I looked down, frowning. He looked close to crying. 

"What's wrong?" I asked, my heart beating quickly. 

Right then I heard a scream. Dawn's scream. It was worse than the scream I'd heard when she'd fractured her wrist. I recognized the desperation of her voice instantly.