sunrise || m.h.

Fake Happy

The tiles underneath me were cold against my skin. I sat with my knees pulled up to my chest and my arms wrapped around them, my head leaned against the wall behind me. I kept my eyes trained out the small bathroom window, looking up at the blue sky for some sort of sign. For what, I wasn't sure.

Halfway through the first Harry Potter movie, I said I needed the toilet and locked myself in the bathroom. No matter how hard I tried, the thought of being found was still in the back of my mind. Matty had assured me a thousand times that he wouldn't let them find me, but the fear still loomed over my head and made it impossible to focus on anything else.

Taking a deep breath, I sighed and looked around the small bathroom. The walls were plain white to match the tiles, along with everything else in the room. It smelled of cigarette smoke and cologne, which was calming in a strange way. Everything was clean and sparkling, nearly spotless, a few hairs in the sink and a small bit of toothpaste left on the countertop.

Standing from my place on the floor, I straightened out my clothes and dusted myself off, looking into the mirror.

I never really thought I was pretty. My hair was boring and thin, my face had no special feature that stood out, I was disappointingly average. My body was thin, almost too thin. I was boney and my clothes hung off of me, but I'd always felt alright about my body.

Sighing, I gave myself one last glance in the mirror and flattened down my hair, walking back into the lounge filled with boys.

They were exactly as I'd left them, crammed onto the small two person couch with a small space between Matty and Adam where I'd been sat. Taking my place between the boys, I settled down and pretended to watch the film.

To be honest, I'd never found magic to be that interesting. Fiction didn't spike my interest like real things did. Sure, monsters and ghosts are scary, but what's even more terrifying is someone crazy enough to get pleasure out of murdering people sneaking into your bedroom window at night. Wizards and flying brooms wasn't nearly as cool as a true story of life.

Thankfully, the movie was near it's end. Everyone was so focused in on it that none of them noticed my absence or return, or that I sat staring into space for the remainder of the film.

Once it had finished, everyone stood from their places and stretched, groaning and yawning.

"I think I'd better get home soon," Adam said, grabbing his shoes. "It was nice seeing everyone again."

"I should probably go too, I've got a date tonight to get ready for." George said, winking at Matty.

"Ooh, George's got a girl, now does he?" I teased. " Why are we just now hearing of this girl?"

"I met her the other day outside the bar, it's not a big deal!" He argued.

"Right, well when you're married with three kids try telling us it's not a big deal" Matty said, patting him on the back.

The boys left not long after teasing George about his new love interest, leaving Matty and I alone once again. We were both sat on the sofa, staring at the wall above the tv, in complete silence. It was comforting and calming to be doing nothing. Just enjoying each other's presence. Letting my head roll to the side, I examined his face.

He looked tired. Exhausted even. Bags were visible above his cheeks and his lids were low over his eyes. That mess of curls I'd grown to love was stuck up all over the place, even more so than usual. In a greasy, "I haven't washed my hair in a week" kind of way. His mouth was a flat line, no emotion in it at all. It made him look a bit dead.

To be honest, he looked like he needed a nap. A very, very long nap.

As if he'd read my thoughts, he scrubbed his hand over his face and stood from his spot on the couch, stretching.