This Can't be Love

Chapter 15: Confession Part 1

Akemi POV

Kazuki took me to the back of the school. There was almost no one passing by. I was relieved by it but at the same time terrified. What if Kazuki tries to kiss me or something again? The good thing is that we are in an open space. This way I can run for my life if anything were to happen.

Kazuki stopped walking and did I. He was still facing the front without looking at me. He didn't even utter a word. I was starting to get anxious and a million thoughts course through my mind when Kazuki spoke. "Sooo... You said you wanted to talk, right? What is it that you want to say?" Kazuki asked. His voice sounded with a little nervous tone. "You also said you wanted to talk. You even brought me here, why don't you go first?" I told him in my common cold demeanor. I didn't intend to sound so cold towards him. It just happened. I get my anxiousness is reflected with coldness. Or more like, I am always cold towards anything.

Kazuki turned around to face me. "If you are ok with it then I guess I will begin," Kazuki said. It looked like he was in search of some determination. "I wanted to apologize for what I did the other day. It was uncalled for. I've been thinking about it all this time. I couldn't get it out of my mind as much as I tried to forget it. It must be karma for what I did. Either way, I want us to return back to how we were. If it's ok with you, how about we pretend the kiss never happened?" Kazuki was blabbering a lot of things that at some point I stopped paying attention to. The only thing on my mind was the fact that he wanted to forget about the kiss.

"Why did you did it then?" I asked him in a low, almost like a whisper voice. "Why? Ehhh..." Kazuki looked away from me like searching the right words to say. What the hell? Did the kiss mean so little to him? Was I the only one that thought about love? So in the end... It turns out he was just playing around? I couldn't believe my thoughts. I refused to believe them.

I couldn't hold anymore. There was simply too much I had bottled inside. And his words just spilled the cup. "If it meant so little to you why did you kissed me then? Why did you do it? Just to try things out? To play around and mock me? Tell me." I didn't know what I was even saying anymore. I just spouted everything that was in my mind. Not processing any of it. Kazuki didn't say a word and I continued. "A whole week of ignoring me. A whole week of unexplainable pain and loneliness. And then... after finding out the reason behind those feelings. Was all of it in vain? Tell me, were you lying with the kiss? Does that mean... that me loving you is in vain too?" When I noticed what I just said I shut my mouth. Though it was too late now. I had done it. I felt how my whole body started feeling hot. And I could assure you my face was bright red. I wanted to run. To run far, far away. Somewhere where no one would find me, especially Kazuki. But that wasn't going to happen. In fact, my body refused to move. I didn't dare look at Kazuki. He stayed silent. The silence was killing me.

"..." Still nothing. God! Why was I so stupid as to say that? That wasn't what I had planned to say. Well, in reality, I had no idea what I was going to tell him. But I felt like I needed to say something to him. I wanted to talk. Though not this.