BOOK 2 // NINE: Fresh Air

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            I couldn't believe I was doing this.

As I stood at the side of the lake, peeling off my outermost layers despite the cold, I really couldn't believe I was doing this.

Jace looked relatively unfazed, which I had to take as reassuring. He'd done this before and was still alive; that suggested I'd see the same outcome. As he pulled his jumper over his head, revealing a much thinner T-shirt underneath, I studied his demeanour. Instead of fear, I saw confidence: he was surprisingly calm and more at ease than I'd seen for a while.

"What's the best way to do it?" I asked, looking out at the rippling surface of the water. "Slowly, or brave it and jump in all at once?"

He thought for a moment. "I'd like to say the second one, but I haven't quite got the courage for it."

Part of me wondered whether there was a deeper meaning there, but I didn't let myself think too hard. Honestly, I was kind of glad about his answer. Diving right in without time to prepare seemed like too much of a leap of faith, and I wasn't sure I was ready. I was perfectly content with slow steps and steady progress that took us where we needed to be.

With our outer layers piled on the ground, we glanced over at each other and our eyes locked. I felt a flicker of apprehensiveness, and my stomach twisted. The corner of his lip curled into a small smile. "You ready?"

I took a deep breath, letting the cold air fill my lungs, like this would prepare me somehow. "Not really," I said, "but I'm going to do it anyway."

Jace held out his hand, the outstretched offer hovering in the space between us. Instinct told me to hesitate, but after a couple of seconds, I reached out to accept it. From here, it felt like there was no going back.

The water touched my feet first, which struggled to keep a grip on the jagged stone path as it dipped underwater. Just the contact with my ankles had me drawing a sharp breath, and I knew it was going to get worse with every step. We may have known what we were heading into, but that didn't make it any easier to keep moving forward.

Perhaps, sometimes, venturing into the unknown was the easy option.

Hearing my sudden inhale, Jace looked over. He'd left his glasses with the rest of his clothes at the side of the lake, and it was odd to see him without them. It was different here, in broad daylight, as opposed to the dense darkness of his room that first night. Less of an unnerving contrast – something I could see myself getting used to. "How are you holding up?"

I couldn't seem to find the words to string together a coherent sentence, so I just nodded. "I'm okay."

As the water hit our waists, the cold took my breath away. It was impossible to ignore; so much more than a chill in the air, this seemed to penetrate every pore. The tremors racked my body like relentless instinct. I tried to focus on something else, like the cloudless sky overhead, or the mixture of mud and stones I could now feel between my toes. However, as it turned out, the only thing that could even begin to distract me was the guy there with me.

"I'm so cold, I can't even think," I told him.

"Depending on how you look at it, that could be a good thing." He tried to keep his voice steady, but couldn't quite hide the way his teeth were chattering too. "It can be nice to forget, just for a little while."

Not when you're me, I was half-tempted to say. Not when your brain won't let go of anything. Even if I tried to forget the tiniest, most insignificant detail, I couldn't. Whatever escaped my head was only temporary; it would always come back. By now, I'd learnt to live with it.

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