Life with the jokers: on tour

Part 9- Take it or you lose

"The only thing I'm worried is," Sal wiped the food from his mouth with a paper towel, "if they know we're here, the show could get ruined."

"No way," Q sat back, putting his black sunglasses over his eyes.

"I'm telling you," Sal fought back, "they'll follow us. Or they'll go off to do their own thing... buy some food and bang! There we are."

"Calm down," Rachel jumped in, "we have guys down there already, acting as bouncers. If they hear anyone talking about you guys he's just gonna kick them out."

"Really?" Murr asked, unsure whether today would work at all.

"Of course," Rachel said, "we'll meet you in there."

Me and Rachel avoided the fans by the window- there had to be at least 40- and found the supermarket that the guys were gonna film in.

10 minutes later, the Jokers turned up to the store and were already filming.

"Joe are you ready?" Murr said from in front of the computer monitors, feeding in the footage from the cameras.

"I'm as ready as ever." Joe said.

A woman was passing with a cart full of groceries. She looked away. Joe stole something. Some pills.

"That's too easy," Sal shook his head displeasingly at Joe.

Joe simply put them in his pocket. Now he had to get another item from the same cart.

He picked something. A single orange. Joe paused. Then stuffed it by his ankle. It stayed.

"It counts," Murr said.

Joe reached again. His eyes squeezed shut. Shampoo bottle. Joe held it for a moment before almost stuffing it in his pants- but then deciding to hide it underneath his top.

Joe reached again but the woman steering the trolley snapped around to find Joe head first searching for items.

"Excuse me," she said rudely.

"I'm sorry," Joe apologised, walking off with the orange by his ankle, the pills in his pocket and a shampoo bottle underneath his tshirt.

"That's only 3," Sal said.

"Dude, I think you're next." Said Q.

Sal twitched his neck then strolled almost too calmly to the store front. As he left, the guys shared excited secretive laughs. I knew what they had hidden up there sleeves.

Sal took out an empty basket and filled it with several fruits. Probably to look like a normal shopper.

"Right," Joe unplugged the microphone and addressed the two other guys. "Well start off normal then we'll call Jaden in right?"

Murr nodded. Then so did Q. "Right." Said Joe.

Sal went straight into a mans cart and picked up a box of cereal. He twitched his neck again.

"Come on, buddy," Joe said to Sal, "you just gotta hide it."

Sal quickly slid the box under his shirt- leaving a rectangular shaped growth on his stomach.

"This is so stupid," Sal joked. He reached again- he got a toothbrush. Sal tucked it in the belt of his shorts. Then he reached again. His eyes squeezed shut. He picked up a hat. "What do I do with this?" He asked, resisting the urge to wear it.

"Now this is interesting," Q said, "he could wear it. But then he isn't hiding the item."

Joe said: "he's got to physically hide it. Not wear it. But it's such a hideous hat that I think Sal should just wear it."

Sal slipped the cap on- bright red with a brand symbol across the front.

From in front of the monitors, Joe signalled for the producers to send Jaden Smith into the store. I noticed Rachel give me a quick excited smile before she showed him the way to the entrance.

Sal was stood, pretending to buy items, when an angry Jaden Smith walked into the same aisle. We told him to be angry. To throw Sal off.

"What's you problem?" Jaden yelled to Sal. With a horrified expression, Sal instinctively turned around, only to double over with laughter when its Jaden Smith shouting. The same face tattooed onto his thigh.

"Oh my god!" Sal repeated several times.

Emerging from Jadens hands was a plastic cup filled with water- which he threw all over Sal.

"This isn't that bit," Sal said. He was annoyed.

"It is now." Said Murr.

"I can't believe you'd get a tattoo of me without asking!" Jaden yelled.

"You got a tattoo of his face?" An old lady said from behind Sal.

"Yeah. Yeah." Sal said.

"Show it," Joe added through the mic.

"Right," Sal stopped and rolled up his shorts to his thighs. Like he's shown people a million times. "That's Jaden Smith on my leg. I know."

"What's up with your stomach?" Jaden said, punching the cereal box.

"You can't take them out," Joe said, "if they're seen again, you lose."

"And you have a toothbrush on your belt." Jaden said.

"This isn't even my hat," Sal said.

"Sal." Said Joe. "We have one more surprise for you." He ushered the clown out of the doors.

"What?" Sal said, genuinely concerned.

Then, the clown stood at the entrance. Taking quick and daunting strides towards Sal; making him flinch and retreat to the back of the store. The clown followed suit. Then they were both running.

Sal chucked his cereal box out to try and trip up the clown. Then he threw the toothbrush at the clowns face. He missed.

"And that, my friends," Q said, "is how you get Sal Vulcano."