My Crush Stories

Chapter 18: New Crush

2/17/18

Maybe 2018 is the year. After a week or two in Jan. I had to switch classes for geometry support since I suck at math. I had to give up my creative writing class which I love and be replaced in a room with the one boy I hate. Yes the boy is my crush but I hated him. I have him in my English class so I thought it was gonna suck knowing I'm going to see him everyday. I roll my eyes once I hear his voice, he's by far so annoying and immature. Until...until the next time I had class with him it all changed...

I was doing my work and listening to music when I hear my name being called. I look up and there he is asking me a question. I pause the love song I was listening to and earned his attention.

"Yes?" I asked

" are you ok? How's it going?" He asked.

Why does he care? Is the first thing that ran through my mind.

"I'm good."

From then on we talked and his friends kept the conversation going between us and I notice the way he watched me laugh and that's when I blushed a lot and gained the giant butterflies.

Quit it you can't be doing this. My mind would tell me but I ignored because I'm in love with the feeling.

Before I know it we've been talking for weeks. In The beginning of getting to know each other, in English class he'd glance at me but then continue to talk to his friends. Now his eyes linger a while longer when I look at him. He's not scared to look through my eyes, it's like he's reading me, I mean it's so hard to explain because it's so different and I mean sooooooo different.

In the beginning I would get close to him and he would back up but know he's comfortable, when I grab his pencil his hands wrap around mine and he just laughs telling me to give it back, or when he takes my bookmark or my pencil he'd put it in his sleeves of his sweatshirt and tell me it's not there and then I'd get up and have to pull his sleeves or wrap my arms around him trying to reach it.

My friends say he's just trying to find an excuse to touch me and to talk to me.

So on Valentine's Day he was teasing me and messing with me and taking my stuff and all. Until he took my paper and crumbled it up into a ball. There is a recycling bin across the room and he said, "if I make this I get a kiss." I'm not sure if he was talking to me or to the girl next to me but I asked, "why?" And he said, "because I don't have a valentine and just cuz." He shrugged and tossed it. And he missed I felt so relieved.

Now we're texting which we started 2 days ago and it's depressing. When I want to talk he really short and when I ask him a question he always says "idk" like he could care less. And I feel I messed up. But then yesterday I asked if he was busy and he said, "nah."

"I just wanna talk but I don't want to bug you." I say

"Nah your giid." He says.

"Wanna play a game or somthin" I asked

"Sure" he says

" question game" I ask

"Sure" he says

At this point I know I probably messed up

"Favorite kind of music" I ask

"Idk" he's says

"Nv" I say

"You sure" he says

"To be honest I don't think you wanna talk" I say

"I'm just tired
We can talk
What you wanna talk about" he says

I couldn't reply cause I lost connection but once I went to text him back I knew I ruined the moment I was almost 20 min late. I tried conversation but he just kept it short. Like the last 20 min he finally gave up the thought of us talking.
I cried, I know I'm not worth his time well I feel like it. When we text he seems less interested but in person he's always messing with me and flirting but he does the same with other girls but does he treat me a special way?

I'm just scared I'm reading it all wrong, but the way he looks at me, his eyes they just.........stare.
Maybe I'm stupid, I know this is stupid but I just want him to break my heart already causes I know it's gonna happen. I know we'll never date. I know it...

He has no idea how much I'd offer. I would give him my all just to hold him in my arms but I know he doesn't want the same.

Now that I'm thinking about it, maybe 2018 isn't the year.