Monday 2nd September.

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I've failed

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I've failed. Until now, I've been able to lie to myself, pretend there's a chance I might still go home. But that's not happening. And instead, I'm expected to start High School as though it isn't a million miles away from England and everything I've ever known.

It terrifies me. All I know is that Hopton Hills is no MillFallows. God, I miss home. I even miss my old, scratchy uniform. Dressing for school was exhausting, even with Lydia and Lissie helping me pick the perfect first day outfit last night. It's cute, in a clueless way, but maybe Tennessee and Shropshire have a different dress sense.

Finch isn't helping the situation. He's texted twice so far and both times I thought I might throw up in my mouth. He's promised to make me a 'star', but that couldn't be further than what I want. Anonymity is always preferable to standing out like a sore thumb. I want to keep my head down and stay invisible. Get straight A's, get home. The more I think about his offer, the more ridiculous our little plan seems. From the stories that James has told me, his cousin makes plenty of promises that he can't keep.

If only I had James to talk to me through the first day. He hasn't spoken to me since Saturday. God, he was so angry. I don't get what was so wrong. He is the one that stood me up and went back to his awful cow of an ex. Who almost kissed me and then left me shivering and alone. So, why do I feel so guilty? All I did was eat pie with his cousin. If the girls were here, I could walk into school with my head held high and ignore him like he has all my texts.

But they aren't.

And, as angry as I am with his overreaction, I realise I need him. I'm not stupid enough to think I'll survive on my own. Lydia and Lissie have different opinions about forgiving him. Lyds thinks I should swallow my pride and try to fix things between us. Lissie wants to castrate him.

I'm currently on the fence.

My goal is to make it through the day.

Oh, and avoid Savannah at all costs.

September Goals

Get and keep a perfect GPA

Find out what a GPA is...

Convince parents to let me go home

Be wary of Finch Whittingham

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