Chapter Four

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     I stood on the ledge, overlooking the mountains that stretched before me. A moon and a half had passed since my budging, and I now had almost all of my feathers. Yôtin was out on his first hunt, and I was alone for the first time. I would start rock hopping today, and my brother was looking forward to teaching me.

     It was incredibly boring here, with no one to play with or talk to. If Yôtin were here, I would be practicing flapping with him and Mum, as she would be showing us how to fly-hop. I turned around and started doing just that, trying to keep myself entertained. I sang songs that Mum taught me, about the wind and the sky, about flying.

     So far, the farthest I could go was half a wingspan. I wanted to jump further, so when I went rock hopping I would impress my family. Maybe I can't go further because I'm surrounded by rock walls? I stubbornly continued until I grew tired, then switched to flapping exercises. My fly-hops were taking me nowhere.

     I spread my wings and beat at the air furiously, imagining I were battling against a huge storm.

     And I lifted off the ground.

     I squawked in surprise and stopped flapping, falling down. I righted myself and stood there, shocked. I hadn't gotten very high, but it felt right. The longing for flying stirred in me once more. I swayed, and dizzily, almost like I wasn't myself, made my way to the ledge.

     The wind whistled in my ears, and I fluffed up my feathers to catch the sun's warmth. It had been getting colder, and I was thankful for the extra feathers I had. I still hadn't figured out what 'fly with your heart' meant, but I hoped what I had would suffice. My mind always revolving around an idea I had gotten not too long ago, that the saying meant 'love flying'. Well, I already did, and I wanted to test it out now.

     It was a perfect day for flying. Clear, blue, skies and strong winds. Is lots of wind good, or bad? I thought, unsure of what I was about to do next. But my mind was set, and there was no getting out now. I wanted to know what it would feel like.

     Because I had all of my flight feathers, I was convinced I could fly. It didn't matter that no one had taught me, because I knew what 'fly with your heart' meant now. If flying is part of our soul, I'll surely be able to figure it out on my own. Just jump, circle around a bit, then land back here. The thought exited me, and I didn't stop to think. Big mistake.

     "I love flying, I love flying, I love flying," I chanted, psyching myself up, and spread my wings. I felt a flicker of doubt before I leapt, but it was soon forgotten as my talons left the ground.

     It was like magic.

     The wind that cushioned my fall was caught by my feathers and I rose. The breeze pushed me away from my home, and I didn't realize how far, or how fast. The sky was huge, sitting there in the cleft I'd never seen just how big. Up here, the horizon stretched far, far into the distance. The mountains seemed never ending, and I loved how I was higher than them. It made me feel powerful. I felt the wonderful thrill of flying. I gently rode the wind, letting it take me wherever it wanted to. The mountains were zooming by, and I felt freedom. All of my life, I'd sat there on that ledge and wished to fly. I giggled to myself, thinking of how great this felt, when it hit me.

     Where is home?

     I looked down, panicking. I didn't recognize any of the terrain. It was all the same – gray, white and brown. I glanced behind me, but I couldn't see the cliff where I lived.

     "Yôtin! Atâhk, Waskôw!" I screamed, hoping I was near them and that they would hear me. My wings were getting tired, and I realized I had not flapped them yet. I thought I could turn around and fly back, but I didn't know how.

     Tears welled up in my eyes, and I no longer felt happy. Looking at the horizon made me sick, and looking down was worse. Another thought jarred me back into reality.

     How do I land?

     I looked down at my talons. Long and yellow, built to kill. They would be of no help in the sky, I was stuck. "Ispatinaw!" I cried, hoping she found a home near wherever I was now. "Help me!"

     No one answered. Not even another eagle. I was lost, and alone.

     The wind suddenly changed direction, coming in from the left, making me spin wildly. I screeched and flapped my wings, eventually evening out. I didn't dare move a muscle now, fearing that I would spin out of control again. Why, oh why, oh why, oh why, did I decide to fly before I was ready? I thought, near tears again. Yôtin will never see me fly, and Mama and Papa will be heartbroken.

     "See what you've done?" I shrieked, mad at myself for trying anything this stupid. "You thought you could fly before you were ready, you dumb bird! Now, you'll die alone! Why did you even think you could pull this off in the first place?" The rage inside me was fanned into flames by the wind, and I kept on screaming to the heavens.

     The landscape was unrecognizable to me now. A new colour was added, bright and garish amongst the peaks I'd grown up in. My sharp eyes detected odd shapes along the mountain's slopes, almost like fur. Some were low to the ground, while others rose to claw at the sky.

     I clacked my beak in anger. Yôtin would know what these are, I thought bitterly, and he would show me everything. He would have taught me to fly, but I had to ruin everything by selfishly leaving!

     The air I was gliding in thickened. It felt dryer, and heavier. I realized my altitude was dropping. The ground was closer, somehow. I'll crash! Why did I even try to fly? My expression blanched. I realized that I didn't even know the answer to that. It felt like I didn't know myself. What possessed me to do such a thing?

     "Forgive me, forgive me! Have mercy!" No one is listening, Kîsik. Even if they were, why would they care about a disobedient little fledgling like you?

      Eventually, the mountains dropped away entirely, replaced by rolling hills. The odd fur covered everything, so did the tall shapes. I was dangerously low, and the wind had stopped blowing. I craned my neck to look ahead, noticing a scar in the landscape. A long, gray path cut through the ground. Strangely coloured animals ran long them, their eyes glowing like the sun. What odd creatures...

     A very thin line hung in front of me, buzzing with a foreign energy. The wire was connected to the ground with a brown cylinder, and where it met the pole, sparks flew. I was very tired, physically and emotionally. I didn't take notice of that fact - I didn't even have the strength to cry. I recalled how I'd seen Yôtin land once, and I tried my best to re-enact it.

     I flared my wings, spread my tail feathers as wide as they would go, and thrust my legs forward. It seemed to work, and my aim wasn't that sloppy. My talons touched the wire, and I froze. Pain shot through me, but I was paralyzed so I couldn't pull away.

     Eagles can't smell very well, but I was smelling something alright. It was sharp and nasty, filling by brain and dulling my senses. I fell, swirly gray clouds curling off my charred body. Most of my feathers were intact, but they were burning hot and discoloured.

     I hit the ground hard, breath knocked out of me. I heard a squeal, bang, and a shout. They painfully knocked around in my skull. Heavy thumps neared me, but it all faded away into the darkness.

     Just like me.

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