#50 The Adieu

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Assalamualaikum beautiful people!

Chapter 50 is here. Can you believe it? It has been an emotional rollercoaster ride as far as this leg of the journey of Junaina Javed Ali is concerned. Warning, you might get all kinds of feels as you read this chapter. If there are any typos or errors please excuse them. I've been waiting to be done with this chapter for ages now.

Enjoy!

#50 The Adieu

“No way Mom! You can’t just ship me away from here!”

The whole scene felt like deja vu.

Mom’s so called amazing surprise was the fact that I’d be taken back to Dubai the day my exams got over. Only, this amazing surprise was a few months too late. I didn’t want to leave Salimabad anymore. Ashiana was my home. She couldn’t just uproot me as and how she pleased because she wanted me back with her.

The worst thing was that everyone supported her. Dad, Samir, Chachi, Chachi, Shoaib Bhai and with him Iqra Bhabhi, both Phuppis, Di; every last one of them was with Mom in this matter.

Even Dadi.

And that hurt the most. Did they not like having me live here with them any more? Was I too much of a nuisance? Did I create too many problems?

I couldn’t stop crying myself to sleep ever since Mom broke the news to me. Why on earth would they want to take me away when they knew I was happy here?

So many questions and no answers to any of them. Or rather I didn’t let anyone answer them for me. I locked myself up in my room away from my family, and kept myself busy with studies. Either I had Annu bring my meals up to my room or I skipped them altogether. I prayed, slept and spent the days all by myself. The only time anyone saw me was when I left the house for school and returned home. That’s the only time I ventured downstairs. And that was because I had no alternate route. If I could I would I have swung down the window like Rapunzel and snuck my way out of the grounds of my beloved Ashiana. The Ashiana, the nest I was being asked to leave in little more than a month.

Of course my Ali family being made of persistent stuff, attempted multiple times in multiple ways to get through to me. I deactivated all my social networking accounts and isolated myself online as well. When they tried to use my friends to approach me, I stopped hanging out with them as well.

I made myself well and truly alone.

For the social creature that I was who thrived on being with people, it was extremely hard. I was almost always crying. I craved time with Dadi, but I refused to go to her. I switched my phone off because it was so tempting to answer Di's calls. They day my family left for Dubai they thought I’d make an appearance. I did not. Not even when Samir begged outside my door and his voice broke as he did. My heart shattered for him, but it was already smashed to bits.

I hated myself. Sleep evaded me as I tried to come to terms with the fact that none of the family wanted me here. What did I do to any of them? Did I not improve enough as a person? Maybe Dadi intended this all along, maybe I was too much to handle.
So proud I was of myself, Junaina Javed Ali. So proud I was of the fact that I belonged to this family. My appearance, my intellect, my skills; so proud I was of everything. And now, my hair hung limp when left open, dull and uncared for. It lost its lustre just like my eyes. My clothes became loose. I became angled and sharp as all my bones stood out, pronounced because of my weakness. It became harder and harder for me to concentrate. Even my prayers were failing me.

I was losing it.

That’s probably why I forgot to lock the door behind me one chilly February day and Bhabhi found me curled into a ball at the foot of my bed. I was a horrible mess of tears and unkempt clothes and I was shivering. I didn’t realize how cold it was until she pulled me to her and enveloped me with her warmth.

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