Let Go of that Eunuch! [Fantasy/Humor | COMPLETED]

1. The Last Day of My Life

I've had bad luck since I was a kid. The story goes that my parents were at a spring carnival when they happened to stop by a Taoist reading stall. I mean, there was a frickin' gypsy tent right next door and some surfer dude with unwashed dreadlocks and a crystal ball guarding the corner, but of course, my parents had to stop at the first stall they came across.

When I was old enough to understand the seriousness and consequences of this event, I often wondered to myself... what if? What if on that fateful day they just ignored the old man (and by old, I mean ancient) and kept walking (yep, off ya go, look straight ahead and oh no you don't, DON'T STOP *prod).

Would my life be different?

Well, for one thing, at least I wouldn't have a cursed reading of "Tian Sha Gu Xing" (Falling Ghost Orphaned Star) hanging over my head like a permanent storm cloud. You should have seen the dire way the Taoist fraud looked at my parents, shaking his  head, his long eyebrows and fluffy white moustache swaying with the movement. He acted as if I wasn't even there! Ok, granted I was five years old and he probably A) could not see the top of my head and B) was short sighted. Plus C) if he had acknowledged me I probably would have called him Skinny Santa and asked him if he wasn't getting enough milk and cookies with his yearly visits.

When the old man finally deciphered the full reading, my fate was sealed (dun-dun-dun-dun.wav). My parents both looked somber and a bit shaken up. After all, he did tell them that I was destined to bring ill fortune upon anyone who was close to me. And being my parents, they couldn't exactly throw me to the wolves or force me to walk 3 meters away from them. (Wait a sec... I always thought it was due to my short legs that I was constantly having to run to catch up to them... ???)

Anyhow, at the time, the olds were both of the mind that it was better to be safe than sorry. Determined to have the old man rewrite my fate, they agreed on paying him a good amount of money in exchange for some Taoist symbols scribbled on a flimsy piece of yellow paper. The old man rolled the thin paper charm up tightly and slipped it into a small red bag, hanging it around my neck (aha, so he did know I was there, the tricksy little fraudster). Unbeknownst to me, the charm was intended to reverse the effects of my reading, meaning that the bad luck I was destined to bring upon everyone around me was redirected back... at myself -_-!

That being said, today was going... surprisingly well. I wasn't stuck walking behind some slow moving people (refer to I-want-to-punch-slow-moving-people-in-the-back-of-the-head.gif). I didn't get shit on by a passing pigeon. My bus arrived on time even though it was raining (public transport never arrives on time when it rains). My heels didn't break off on the way to work. All in all, despite the gloom and smog, I was actually having a good day compared to every other day of my life. In fact, everything was going so well that my highly strung nerves loosened up a bit. Heck, I even made it to the office without a single mishap! Maybe that's why the rest of my day went down the drain, literally.

I was about to join in on an important company meeting when my stomach started to turn. I flashback to the cheap 7-11 coffee I gulped down in between bites of a funny tasting egg and lettuce sandwich. As the saying goes, you get as much as you pay for. Clutching my stomach dramatically with both hands, I peer cautiously around the corridor. Great, my manager wasn't here yet. Ready, steady... GO! I dash down the hall, probably breaking a few world records along the way.

"Toilet, toilet, accio toilet" I mutter under my breath. I let out a long sigh of relief when I see the familiar ladies' sign, my stomach churning even more insistently at the thought of release. In the next instance I'm cursing.

"Shit💩!!!" (no pun intended) I scream at the "Out of Order" notice stuck up on the door. I secretly try the handle anyway but it doesn't budge. That means... I close my eyes, resigned to the fact. Yep, the only available toilet was an ancient one located in the basement carpark. The only thing was, office rumor had it that it was haunted by evil spirits, and I never really enjoyed ghost stories. Normal people may have a scare and a laugh afterwards, but knowing my luck...

I sidle along the basement wall, inching towards the toilet. I mean, it certainly looked derelict. The whole atmosphere around it was even more depressing than Moaning Myrtle. The lights inside flash on and off with static. It was one of those toilets where you could actually smell the urine and god knows what else. The mirrors were made of some kind of metal that distorted my image. Rusty wash basins lined the wall, layered with grime and... ew!!! Was that... a used tampon?! I suppress the urge to vomit, my fingers wrapping around the red bag on my neck as though it was some kind of protective charm. I carefully push open the first cubicle. It creaks noisily on its hinges and I half expect a woman dressed in white with long black hair hanging over her face to crawl out of it. Luckily for me, the only woman in this bathroom with long hair hanging creepily over her face was me.

I stand up, flushing the toilet with a satisfied smile. Haunted? Ha! Nothing can stop the mighty "Tian Sha Gu Xing"!

My smugness quickly turns into horror as a strange, shady voice calls out my name. It sounded as though he or she was speaking under water.

"Xiao Jin Zi?"

I mean, I think it was my name? My actual full name was Jin Yuan Bao (which my parents thought was hilarious since our surname was Jin. Coupled with Yuan Bao, my name literally translated to "Gold Ingot". Needless to say, I was not impressed when they told me about the origin of my name).

The hairs on the back of my neck rise one by one as I look over my shoulder...

Nothing there.

"Xiao Jin Zi!"

I almost jump. The voice was louder, more forceful now. It was apparent that its owner was growing impatient with waiting.

I force myself to look down, my neck stiff with fear. A pale, ringed hand reaches out of the toilet bowl, grabbing the bottom of my skirt.

"Argghhh!!!" I scream at the top of my lungs as I fall into the disgusting toilet. "You f***ing pervert!!!"

And that, my friends, is the story of how my life literally went down the drain.