Hideaway [h.s]

153

Amelia Adams

"I know baby, I am too." He conveys softly, every word making his chest vibrate.

I felt so lost and distraught it myself and what we were going to do. I still was stuck on the fact I couldn't get an abortion, it was too much. I've already committed so many sins in life since being with Harry, I didn't want this termination.

But for Harry, he didn't want this baby to go up for adoption. Even though the evil man he is, he didn't want to put a kid through what he went through- and he was admit on that.

I sobbed into his shoulder, gripping the black shirt for dear life as I felt I was at a dead end.

"Harry, why are you so scared of having children?" I murmur into his fabric, wanting a real answer this time instead of the escape he gave me yesterday in the car.

A shaky sigh falls from his lips, followed by a long pause. I feel his chest thumping under my fist, his heart beating fast.

"Amelia.." He murmurs in rejection of my answer, making me lift my head up.

"Why won't you tell me? All I want to know is why you never want kids. Can't you understand it is important to me?" I let go of his shirt and sit up straight on my knees, looking right into his green shielded eyes.

"I know, but I shouldn't have to explain myself. When I say I don't want kids, you shouldn't be hounding on me for an answer." He shakes his head, not giving me an actual reason.

"God Harry! I'm not hounding you for an answer just because I wanna know! I'm wanting an answer because I'm pregnant with your baby and now we have a serious decision to make! I know you want an abortion, but can't you understand that's not what I want? We need to talk about this. You can't just blow this off and think I'll just listen to what you want!" I start getting infuriated again.

"Amelia please ju-"

"No Harry-" I cut off his soft spoken words, his eyes pleading for me to let this go but I can't. "I want to know right now why you're so against having a kid! Like do you hate me or something? I don't understand why you insist on keeping all your twisted thoughts away in that head of yours!" I shout at him.

"Why are you doing th-"

"I'm sick and tired of you not giving me a direct answer! Just tell me why you don't want a child and I'll stop aski-"

"Because I can't have something else to lose!" He snaps, his voice so much more scarier then mine as he finally gives me a solid answer.

Silence fills the room, he burns his vision into mine for a moment before dropping his head in a sigh. My eyes soften a bit, unsure of what to say next. His curls hang down as he looks at his lap, slightly shaking his head.

"It already terrifies me everyday that I could possibly lose you. Before, I just had to worry about myself, and I had nothing that anyone could possibly hold against me. And now, I have you and it horrifies me to think that someone could hurt you just to hurt me. If we ever had a baby, it just gives all my enemies another tactic to destroy me. I already couldn't live with myself if something happen to you because of my dangerous life. I may not even love this kid, but I know you would and if someone took them away from you then you would be crush- which would kill me to see you go through." He explains with his head down, his voice quiet.

"So your scared that if we'd have a baby, someone could take it away from you and hurt it?" I ask in a softer voice then what I was portraying earlier. He nods softly before speaking again.

"I'm scared of many things when it comes to a kid. I'm scared of trying to love it, I'm scared of something happening to it, fuck I'm even scared of it growing up like me." He looks up at me with grief, finally telling me what's on his mind.