Stella Academy: The Secret Society

Chapter 11

“You were wrong.” Once again I’m back in Josephine’s office, looking everywhere but at her. It’s the first thing I say to her when I sit down in the armchair. Jo hasn’t even gotten out her usual notebook yet when I speak, she just looks at me in surprise; usually she has to coax me into talking, so it’s no wonder the looks amazed.

“What do you mean, Jess?” She clicks her pen, getting ready to take notes.

“You said I used Fred as a safety blanket, or comfort food, or whatever weird metaphors you came up with.”

“How have you realized this?” she scribbles something I can’t see on her notepad.

“He broke up with me a few days after our last appointment.” I tell her bluntly.

“Oh? Why?”

“I kinda spent a night with Phoenix without telling anyone. I tried to explain to Fred how nothing happened, and that it didn’t mean anything to me, but he didn’t believe me.”

“Did something happen that night?” Jo wants to know.

Did something happen? Yes, something did indeed happen. I was basically beaten to the point of death, I found out that the Taurus House is a secret society of supernatural creatures that can shift into any animal they want. But that’s really not something I can tell Jo, she’ll think I’m insane and then she’ll send me to some psychiatric hospital.

“I kissed Phoenix again, but that’s it. I ran out on him, because I felt so horrible about kissing him.”

“So you’ve kissed him twice now, and you still insist on it not meaning anything. Yet, you really don’t seem very torn up about Frederick breaking up with you? You didn’t call me when it happened, you don’t look like you’ve been crying, but you still tell me I’m wrong in assuming you were just using him to not feel so alone. Why is that?”

“You’re kidding, right? No, I haven’t been crying, but that doesn’t mean I’m not sad about Fred breaking up with me.” I say, but the second the words leave my lips I want to take them back. Because they’re not one-hundred percent true. Sure, I’m upset about the break-up, but I’m not sad. I loved him, I really did. But after having experienced passion with Phoenix, it was more of a brotherly love I had for Fred. It had begun to change the second I felt the desire for Phoenix in the pit of my stomach.

But of course I can’t tell Josephine that. I can barely think it to myself without blushing. 

“I’m really upset with Faye now, though. She’s the one who told Fred that I spent the night in the Taurus house. If she hadn’t done that—“

Jo interrupts me, “You’d still be with Fred?” I nod, “Are you sure you wouldn’t have told him yourself? Out of guilt, perhaps?”

She’s right. Jo is always right. How can I keep forgetting? I can’t handle guilt. I would’ve ended up telling him at some point. Why is Jo always right?

Damn it.

…

I can’t stop looking at him. Not Frederick. Phoenix. He’s sitting a few tables down from me in the cafeteria with a few of the Taurus students. Sky is sitting on his lap laughing. Every now and then she plants a kiss on him, and each time I feel my stomach churn.

“Are you okay, Jess?” asks Chelsea, bringing my attention back to our table. Since Fred and I broke up I have been sitting with Chelsea, Sophia, Jack and Mattie. Fred hasn’t shown up in the cafeteria for lunch yet, but when he does, I’m sure he’ll sit with the freshmen scholarship students, like he’s been doing every day since the break-up as well. I haven’t talked to Faye since she told Fred that I spent the night in the Taurus house. I’m too angry with her. I’m only in our room when I sleep, so I don’t have to talk to her.