His Fatal Obsession

Self Image

Antonio walked back to the village with Milagros in his arms. She fell asleep, even as the rain fell. So many things went through his mind.

He raped the women he loved.

Raped her!

His heartbeat with anguish on what he had done! He was filled with sadness and shock of the fear of losing the woman that ever showed him love and compassion that he wanted to show her his love, but he did it in the wrong way.

He finally made it back, and instead of walking to his house, he went to Milagros' home. Luckily the door was unlocked. He opened the door, closed it, and laid her on the sofa. Antonio did not wake her up. Instead, he sat far from her. He was afraid of himself. 

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Antonio POV

I sat by the kitchen, watching Milagros sleep. We both cried after what happened. I cried out of guilt and self-shame. She probably cried because of what I had done to her. I don't know what overcame me! I was shocked when she pushed me away from my kiss. I just wanted to show her my love, but I then felt more fear that she would leave.

I put my arms around myself. I am a monster. 

I clenched my teeth. "I hate myself! I am like that man who raped my mother! I am just like that monster!" Tears formed in my eyes once again. Since I was a child, I have cried so much that I thought my tears would have dried up.

"Antonio..."

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Antonio looked up and saw Milagros sitting up. Her eyes held no expression; they looked dead. It almost frightened him. He tried to speak, but no words came out. 

"I am going to shower..." She stood and walked to her room, got some new clothes, and then went to the bathroom and closed the door. The shower head was turned on.

Antonio, meanwhile, just sat as he heard her taking a shower. He changed her, and it was all his fault. "Maybe, my grandparents were right. I am a curse," he told himself. 

Then Milagros finished taking a shower. She walked out of the bathroom, wearing jeans and a long-sleeved shirt with a towel over her head. She stared at Antonio, but he couldn't bring himself to look at her. He was too ashamed.

"Look at me, Antonio."

Slowly, he raised his head and shook. Her expression softened a bit, but he still felt guilt and shame within himself. "I-I-I am so sorry! I despise myself for what I have done to you! I would kill myself if you asked me to! I-"

"Antonio, let me speak."

He stopped.

"I never would have imagined that you would rape me. I am angry for what you have done." She closed her eyes. "I was scared like I have never been before, you even... slapped me..."

"I am sorry! There are no more words to express my hatred for myself! I would go back and change it all! I would have stopped myself! I-"

Milagros opened her eyes. "My anger is true, but I also felt sadness. I cried not only what you have done but what I felt from you."

Antonio was confused.

"You cried, and I knew it was out of guilt, but I felt all you have felt for a long time, and I hated it. To be honest...I want to hate you, but I...just can't..." She put her arms around herself. "I...just can't hate you..." Tears formed but contained them.

It broke Antonio to see her in that position, his heart clenched. "There is a part of me that wished that you would hate me, but there is a part of me that is afraid of that. I know it is wrong to say this, but..." he looked at her with sad eyes. "I...still love you, and I know what I have done is no excuse. It will never be an excuse." He stood. "I will leave you alone and...I am sorry, and you would one day forgive me..."

Before Milagros could say something, Antonio left her alone.

Neither of them knew or saw that on both sides, they cried their hearts out.