Definition Of Imperfect

Chapter 2: Mr I'm So Awesome

Chapter 2!

As I exit my car, my hands automatically reach up to hold the strap of my satchel in an iron like grip. Students around me cast curious glances my way, their blatant stares are making me increasingly more uncomfortable with each second that passes.

I'm not surprised that people are staring though, new students in a small town like this must be rare. Yet, this does nothing to ease my nerves. In fact, the flipping feeling in my stomach only intensifies as more people glance my way.

I'm not used to being in the spotlight at school. Back in Washington, I was considered one of the guys. The majority of students in my old school would pass by me in the hallway without a second glance. I wasn't popular, but I certainty wasn't friendless. In fact, a few people who followed the soccer teams back in my old town, recognised me, and would often greet me in the hallway. However, other that that, it was my immediate clique that I actually held conversations with.

Therefore, I have no idea how to react in situations were lots of people are looking at me for something other than soccer.

Should I wave? No, that would be weird.

Maybe I should look down at my feet? Hell no. People will think I'm shy, that might make me an easy target for bullying, especially by the jocks that are currently staring at me.

How about I turn around, get back into my car, and drive off into the sunset? Again that would be weird, plus if I don't get an education then I'll either end up homeless or working at Walmart for the rest of my life.

I mentally slap myself for being so stupid, I can almost picture my best friend, Jenny,  scowling at me for being so nervous. See, Jenny has a motto that she abides by at all costs. Her motto "What we achieve inwardly will change outer reality" is practically engraved into my mind due to  the amount of times she's quoted it to me. She also likes to frequently tell me to 'grow some lady balls and get on with it'  when I'm freaking out over something that her pep talks cant calm down.

Despite her lack of empathy, Jenny has a very valid point. She believes that nerves make you vulnerable to those who feast upon nerves. Nerves make you an instant target for bullying and stigmatisation. This is because those who feast upon the nerves of individuals gain power over you. This power creates authority, which they use to both control you and in some sick twisted way, make themselves feel better about their life.

Therefore, she believes that individuals must achieve inward self-confidence.  A confident soul with seep through the nerves and make people appear more confident. Having self-confidence is truly important. It provides a sense of self, that is far more powerful than any persona an individual can create. You can be the most shy person in the world, yet if you have self- confidence,  harsh words or rude remarks cannot hurt you. In fact, they can't even touch you, because you're protected by the fact you know who you are as a person and the words that people speak are untrue.

Jenny believes that this changes the way that society perceives you. Being self-confident automatically makes you more confident. People are less likely  to mess with you because you're secure with who you are, it is difficult to control this type of person.  Nobody has to change who they are to fit in or be accepted within society. There is always someone who accepts you for who you are. Therefore, everyone should just be themselves and focus on achieving self-confidence. 

With this new found perspective, I take a deep breath and begin to make my way towards the front entrance off the school.  I'm not going to let anyone control who I am this year. I may have changed the way I dress but I didn't do that to impress boys or to make a good impression. I did that for me. I may play soccer but that doesn't mean I have to conform to the stereotypical tomboy role. I want to dress more girly because in a weird way it makes me feel happy, it gives me more self-confident.  That doesn't mean I wasn't self-confident while wearing sweats, because trust me I was. Its weird, I was forced to change because of my past and it sounds like I'm pretending to be someone I'm not,  but In reality, deep down I generally enjoy being more girly. It brings out apart of me I haven't been since a very young age.