Saudade (Published under Indie Pop)

Chapter 35: The Darkest Morning

Chapter 35: The Darkest Morning

After the morning emergency meeting with the pirate captains of the Pirate City, they demanded for me to not go back to the Obsidian and stay in the grand vessel for the mean time. I occupied one of the rooms which were apparently looking better than my cabin in the Obsidian. But no matter how elegant and feminine it was, it still failed to bring me comfort just like what I had in my small cabin.

Cecilia knocked on my door and walked me to the bathroom of the grand vessel where several maidens were already waiting for me. They were going to clean me again like I was a piece of a dirty doll that needed to be cleaned before being placed on a beautiful cabinet. I let them do what they had to do silently. I had a lot of things going on in my head that I had no energy to fight them when they started getting rid of my clothes. Cecilia let the other women leave when I was already placed in a rose-scented bath tub. I leaned on it as I soaked my body with warm water. It somehow helped to calm my nerves.

"You hate me, too. Right?" I suddenly murmured when I saw that I was already left in the room with Cecilia. She was preparing the dresses that I might choose to wear. And just like the last time, they were all seductive and showing a lot of skin. But why did it matter now? I didn't think there would be a dress I could wear to make anyone in this ship like me.

"Why would I hate you, Jonah of the Obsidian?" she asked back. I felt a sting when she called me by that title. It was like I was a curse that fell upon them.

"You don't have to deny it, Cecilia. I could feel it. You told me I was a gem. Well, I guess this time, you think of me as the opposite."

She wasn't able to answer right away. Maybe because it was true and I just confirmed it by the way she glared at me. But that glare didn't last for a long time and it was instantly gone the moment she walked toward the bath tub I was in.

"You're still a gem in my eyes. However, you are the kind of gem that would burn ships. You are too precious that would make people kill for you," she said.

I felt a pang of guilt in my chest as I listened to her. She was right. I had killed people in the pirate ship that kidnapped me. I killed the crazy man in the Forsaken Island. And this time, I was threatening the lives of people from both sides of the war. And I was in the middle of it, watching helplessly as I wait for the battle to unfold before me. I felt my eyes became hotter until tears made its way down my cheeks.

"Oh, it isn't my intention to make you cry. I apologize for the things I've said," Cecilia said, panicking. She seemed to be confused on what to do to make me stop crying. She attempted to touch me and when she hesitated, I made a move and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know her, the only thing I knew about her was her name and that she took care of Captain Rowaen's important visitors. But her body was so soft and warm, and when she put her arms around me, I felt comfortable. It was probably what I needed at the moment.

When she finally let go of me, she wiped my tears and gave me a kind smile. She seemed to be a very serious person whenever she was dealing with me and the other girls, but at that time, she was amicable.

"If blood would be shed, it wouldn't be blood in your hands. We are pirates. And it is just a normal day in our world," she said gently.

"But it will be because of me. I am not worth it. I am not worth sacrificing of someone's life," I answered.

"Do you think they would fight if they think you are not worth it? The pirates aren't fools. I saw the Skull when I was on your way to your room. He seemed to be really pensive while looking at your closed door. I'm sure he wouldn't let you get hurt."