A Couple Steps Back

Chapter 53

Third person pov

"You go first." 

"Me? I'm a child."

"And a seasoned shinobi. Now go; it's just a door. You won't die too badly."

"You're a sannin. And you either die or you don't, there's no in-between."

"Tell that to Rasa."

This was the whispered conversation between a very annoyed Sasuke and oddly nonchalant Orochimaru, who were hiding in the bushes outside ROOT headquarters. It was well hidden, but even so they'd still found the front door. Orochimaru had decided to sacrifice Sasuke, urging him to go first, but the Uchiha really wasn't having it. He had one arm, and virtually no control over his own chakra. Like hell he was going in first. Orochimaru was insane if he thought so.

"Rock, paper, scissors?" Orochimaru tried. Sasuke growled and shoved him as hard as he could, sending the homeless-looking man tumbling from the bushes.

"You're covered in blood." Sasuke realized, his eyes widening. He grabbed Orochimaru's arm. "Let's go."

"What?" Was all Orochimaru had time to say before he was pulled from the bushes by Sasuke. The boy pulled Orochimaru almost onto him, forcing the man to lean on him almost. The sannin stumbled, sputtering with confusion as Sasuke charged towards the door. He had no idea what was happening, but he assumed the boy had a plan. Or maybe he didn't. 

"Help! He's hurt!" Sasuke forced tears into his eyes, and Orochimaru gaped down at him. They were playing this card? This cheap, really fake, really unbelievable card? He did look homeless and he was covered in blood, sure, but Sasuke was a one armed child. Would that help them or would it mess the whole thing up? Would ROOT members even buy something like this? They were meant to be emotionless, after all. 

"Hey, stop right th-" A man jumped down in front of the door before Sasuke could make it there, so the boy pulled a kunai out of his back pocket and stabbed the man dead in the stomach. Orochimaru's mouth fell open in surprise, and the ROOT member seemed just as shocked as he staggered back slightly. Sasuke pulled the weapon out and stabbed him again before pushing him aside. He pulled the door open.

"In." He hissed, and Orochimaru didn't complain. Sasuke had blood splattered on his face and that annoyed glare he got when he was contemplating murdering someone in cold blood. Not just someone, someone he knew. He knew Orochimaru, so the sannin wasn't going to risk it. he'd seen what getting a kunai to the gut had done to Hidan, and that guy was used to pain. Orochimaru didn't want to end up like that! He was pale enough.

Sasuke and Orochimaru bolted through headquarters. They made it to the first hall when flashing red lights began to fill flash in the dim corridors, a siren beginning to blare as word of their arrival spread. The didn't slow down, gunning it before anyone could snag them, taking long strides, their arms pumping. Kunai flew after them. They both let out battle cries as they ran. They weren't dying today.

"Where is he?!" Sasuke shrieked.

"Don't ask me! This was all your idea!" Orochimaru shouted, screaming a shrill scream and ducking as a kunai flew over his head. "If I die, I'm suing you! I'm suing you!"

"You'll be dead!" Sasuke shouted back, sliding underneath the legs of a ROOT member. Orochimaru shoved the masked man into a wall, never slowing down. "And to be fair, this was Hidan's idea, not mine!" The Uchiha said as he and his former sensei skidded around a corner, almost slamming into each other and the wall. The kept going. Sasuke felt tired, but Orochimaru was still going strong. Sasuke would throw him to the woods if need be. He was not below stabbing the man in the back of the knee.

"Touché." Orochimaru responded. He spotted, then, a familiar door. He'd been in ROOT headquarters before, and he knew that was it. It was slightly darker than all the others, more reinforced, and heavier. It was the one they needed to duck into. He could only hope Danzo was in here. This place was so heavily sealed off with chakra wards that he couldn't even feel the chakras of the ROOT members tailing them.

"Here!" Orochimaru tried the knob. It was locked. "Bitch- FUCK!"

"God dammit!" Sasuke shoved Orochimaru aside, let out a scream, and slammed his head against the knob with terrifying force. The snake sannin jumped, a shiver running down his spine when the knob easily snapped off, clattering to the ground. Sasuke pushed open the door, eyes feral. "I guess Sakura wasn't so useless after all." He grumbled, grabbing Orochimaru's pant leg. The Uchiha pulled him in, and they slammed the door.

~

"Hey, Naruto." Jiraiya poked his head in the door. "Glad you got yourself caught. I had no idea where I was, but the bird found me, and I was able to follow it home!" He grinned. Really, he'd been in the middle of nowhere. He'd checked every map on him to try and figure out just where he was and what was going on, but he came up dry, so he'd ended up wandering aimlessly. It was pretty foggy too, and the last thing he remembered happening was him dying. Then, a bird flew out of nowhere. It was a blessing and a curse, really. Jiraiya was allergic to feathers.

"Are you fucking kidding me?!" Shikamaru screamed, his fingers digging into his scalp. "Another one?! Another one? Are you dead serious right now? Hidan, end me, now. Do your little ritual thing. It's a win-win. You heal, I die. Please." The Nara was going to cry. He wanted to keel  over. This was too much. He was having a mental breakdown. 

"S-Shikamaru." Shikaku panicked slightly, his voice coming out an awkward mutter. He was, genuinely, at a complete loss for words. Gaara let out a heavy sigh.

"Okay, so now we have all three sannin? Why are we still going to die? How does this work?" Naruto asked nobody in particular as Jiraiya waltzed in, looking chipper as ever. Tsunade looked angrier than before, the Hokage seemed even more confused. Nobody could blame him, and nobody could blame Fugaku, who looked like he was contemplating jumping out the window to pursue his son.

"I need some casserole." Rasa sighed heavily at the same time Gaara said: "I think I need a drink."

"Oh, and I found this idiot wandering around, too. He said something about how he woke up with some shadowy figure standing over him, and he woke up half dead in some trench, which is why he looks like a trash can. So I'm not sure who the hell that is." Jiraiya snorted, pulling a nonchalant looking Kakashi in after him. He had an Icha Icha book in hand, and looked pretty content with himself, even if he had a black eye and his clothes looked like hell. Naruto groaned loudly, and Shikamaru let out a shrill scream, burying his face in Hidan's bed sheets. The ex-cultist awkwardly patted his back. What has happening?

"Bummer, you caught me." The fake, ANBU Kakashi took off his mask. The skin on his face began to melt off. Hidan's face twisted at how absolutely disgusting it was. It was like some sort of thick goop dripping off, and it reminded him of a melting candle. He didn't like it, and from Tsunade's muttering, she didn't like it all that much either. Everyone looked uncomfortable and at least a little mildly-awkward as they waited to see who'd been posing as Kakashi this whole time. 

"Watch it be Ibiki." Rasa snorted, earning an annoyed jab from Gaara. 

"I was so close to carrying out my plan, too." The fake Kakashi said just as the rest of his... body dripped off, leaving a shorter figure in it's wake. Naruto's mouth fell open again, and Shikamaru looked up again only to scream once more. Hidan patted his back again, grimacing. Of-fucking-course. This was all bullshit at this point. He didn't blame the little Nara brat for wanting to jump off the deep end. 

"I hugged Kabuto?!" Naruto asked in horror, flashing back to his whole lie about being raped.

"Gay!" Rasa barked. 

Shikaku, Fugaku, and the Third stared as Kabuto began to cackle. Why was there a six year old with oddly large glasses posing as Kakashi now? What?