transfiguration | character review

。pining

TITLE: Pining
AUTHOR: lycanthropuns
UNDERRATED CHARACTER(s): Marlene McKinnon and Peter Pettigrew
CHAPTERS: 6 (ongoing)
SUMMARY: "I SEE YOU IN MY DREAMS, KISSING GIRLS THAT AREN'T ME."

Kingsley Callen has been best friends with Lily Evans for years- it would only make sense for the boy trying to win the redhead's heart to ask for her advice.

What he doesn't know is how long she's been pining for him- or how much her heart breaks every time he asks her for help.

But who is she to deny her best friend's happiness, even if it comes at the price of her own?

REVIEW:
Your portrayal of Marlene and Peter seems pretty accurate from what we've seen thus far. Marlene is sarcastic and isn't afraid to speak her mind, while Peter cares about his friends and is actually perceived as a human being-something which a lot of people in the fandom fail to recognise.

I would have personally just made Marlene a bit more talkative, a bit louder. Even if we literally have no canon idea of how Marlene was and acted, we assume that she was a lot like Sirius in many ways-or at least, that's the way the fandom has decided to present her. I feel like she would have been even more energetic, sassier. But your current portrayal seems pretty fitting as well so there isn't really a need to take my words into account.

As for Peter, you've got the right idea as to how he probably was: kind of shy, caring, graced with common sense, and even a bit sassy. The books portrayed him as a terrible person and I think we really ought to make him justice, for he is one of Harry Potter's most misunderstood character. And you do him great justice, so kudos to you.

I hope this was of any help, good luck carrying on writing!

(written by kencbi)