Lydia | ✔️

(12)

"We're talking," Riley informed Lydia, pushing past her into the living room before she could stop him. She was so shocked at the audacity of her ex that she stood there for a moment, the door wide open, the cold winter breeze coming inside.

"You're going to hear me out," he continued. Lydia seemed to regain her senses and slammed the door shut, facing him with a hostile stance.

"Well, since you've gone to all of this effort," she sneered, shifting her weight from one foot to the other. "Let's hear it then. What's so damn important?"

"Believe it or not, I haven't been trying to justify my actions," he explained, his demeanour becoming a little softer. He slid his hands into the pockets of his parka and watched her with a gentle gaze as he continued. "I'm not saying that there's any excuse for what I did, but we were growing apart. We'd been growing apart for a while. I know that you felt it too."

Lydia knew that he wasn't entirely wrong. As much as she didn't want to admit that to herself, much less him, something had been shifting between them for a while. She bit down on her lip which threatened to quiver as she waited for him to continue.

"I messed up. Bad. I guess I was afraid to call things off because I do care about you. We've been best friends since we were kids but I mean, I just ended up hurting you more.."

"Yeah no shit."

"I am sorry. I swear that I am," he took a small step forward and Lydia became overwhelmed by his signature scent. It enveloped her, suffocating her with an intoxicating amount of memories and feelings that confused her in light of the conversation. "What I did was inexcusable but I haven't been apologising to get you back. I just wanted to apologise. I think— I think it's for the best that we're not together."

The floor beneath her caught a few tears that fell as she hung her head in attempt to avoid letting her ex see how much she was hurting. But the pain that she felt was different than it had been before. She in some ways felt a little guilty that she'd been hanging on to a relationship that was dying. Perhaps she couldn't blame him entirely for what happened. She'd refused to set him free, just as he had.

"I think sometimes it doesn't matter how long you've been with someone," Riley continued with a hitch in his own voice that caused a pang in her chest. "It's not always meant to be a forever sort of thing. We were young when we started dating and we've both changed a lot. Sometimes, we don't change in the same direction as the person that we're with. Does that make sense?"

She could no longer hold herself together, tears ran down her cheeks and she folded her arms across her middle, clutching as she broke down in front of him for the first time.

Despite the fact that she had been attached to this boy for most of her life, there were few times that she'd seen him cry. So when she realised through her blurred vision that he too had tears falling at a rapid pace, she fell to her knees, the weight of the entire situation becoming overwhelming.

"Lydia," he sobbed, kneeling down in front of her. He took her face in his hands and she flinched at an action that had once been a comfort. "I don't expect forgiveness right now and I don't expect a friendship in the near future. But I do care. I do. And I hate myself for hurting you."

She wanted to tell him that she was sorry too. That she wished she had realised sooner that the two of them had drifted further than could be repaired. She could have saved them both the heartache of regret.

Words were a foreign concept though, she couldn't whisper a thing. All she could do was whimper as Riley's futile attempts to dry her eyes made her more and more delirious.

"You'll always be my first love Lydia, always," he told her, using his shoulder to wipe at his wet cheek as he continued to cradle her face, his finger tips digging into the skin on her neck. "I'm sorry."

With that final apology, perhaps the final words that would pass between them again, he leaned in and kissed her salt stained lips. She stilled for a moment and let them move against hers because she knew that this was the last kiss. This was the end of her epic love with Riley Hart and even amidst all of the despair and heart break, she felt grateful for one last kiss. One last goodbye.

When his familiar mouth broke from hers, he kissed the spot beneath her tearful orbs, moving down and kissing at the tears and pain that he'd caused before his mouth found hers again.

The soft kiss was broken after a mere few seconds, but she didn't open her eyes afterwards, she just took a moment to savour it, to attempt to find some peace in this dark and depressing situation. She felt the back of his hand stroke her cheek, his whispered words the last thing that she heard before the breeze of his departure and the closing of the front door were all that followed.

"Goodbye Lydia James."