The Cursed Beauty (ON HOLD)

Chapter 99

It felt like I was floating. 

Like every inch of my body was numb. Filled with emptiness. Filled with nothing. 

I felt as though I wasn't here. No. I wasn't here. I might have been here physically. But mentally I was far gone. Not here at all. There wasn't darkness. Wasn't light either. There was just me, myself and I. I was alone. Falling into oblivion. Falling into the dark abyss. 

My mind refused to comprehend what was happening around me. I refused to comprehend that this was the end. Was I already dead? Was this what death felt like? Drifting into nothingness without anyone or anything? Was I going to drift to infinity? 

If this is what awaited me then I wanted to die. But if this was death then what would I do? Would I drift, until insanity consumed me? Or would I go insane just from the thought? Would I spend the rest of my pathetic existence floating and drifting into nothingness with just the memories of my short life?  Just the thought of my Ace. Would that be enough?  

I wanted to move. To look around to see something. But I couldn't. It was like I wasn't even here at all. Like all of this was just a part of my imagination. I wanted to kick and shout. I wanted to fight against the emptiness. I wanted to survive this. But how if I was already dead? Because I knew I was gone. This wasn't real. Not my reality.

I wanted to shout at the emptiness. At least the sound of my own voice would tell me that I wasn't insane. That I did exist. The funny thing about the emptiness was that there was no time. Nothing. I could be gone for days. Or years. I could be gone for decades. 

I was empty. Hollow. After some time you, yourself start doubting your existence. You ask yourself. Did I really live? Was my life reality or just a fragment of my imagination? But I knew better. I believed that I had lived. I believed that I existed. I knew that he also existed. 

At some point, the emptiness inside of you turns into pain. Pain so strong that it burns you from inside. And soon you start doubting whether you actually felt pain. And even the pain brings you happiness. Because it is a reminder that you still have something. At least something to keep you sane. 

For me, pain wasn't the aching feeling in my bones. Not anymore. Pain for me was the memories. The haunting memories of him. The blurred images of my family.  It was painful for me to remember. I tried to erase them all. The laughs. The smiles. His lips on mine. 

Pain for me was the feeling of my soul being ripped out of me. The separation of me and my wolf. The separation of me and my mate. It was the most agonizing pain anyone could ever imagine. And I tried to forget. I tried to sync in with the darkness. Tried to blend in with the emptiness. I wanted it to consume me. 

But the memories. His voice. His face wouldn't let me be. It was like we were connected. Me and Ace were tied together. He had ropes around my body. The strong wind. The emptiness was pulling me away. It was pulling me inside. But Ace was holding onto me. He was pulling me backward. He was not letting me go. He was not yet ready. 

I was caught between two realities. His reality and mine. And unless he let go of me I would forever be stuck in this hollowness. I didn't want him to let go. But I needed it. I needed peace. I needed to drift away and he needed his peace too. 

But what if you are his peace? A familiar voice in my head argued. 

What if he cannot find peace without you? 

I tried to feel. I wanted to move. I needed to get out of here. It was like my body was detached from my mind. Like I had nobody at all. Only my mind. And I had no control over my mind either. I wanted to scream until someone heard me.