Shattered (Continuation of: The Chase) ▹ Ashton Irwin

Chapter Thirty Three

By the time Monday rolled around, I was absolutely terrifed. I had no idea what to expect on this surprisingly cloudy morning, because I haven't been able to predict anything lately. It feels as though everyday is just another surprise; an open book with pages left blank to fill with more things that scare me. I haven't talked to anyone I'm associated with since yesterday morning. And the last person that I did see, happened to not only insult me, but make me stay up the whole night contiplating literally everything. I didn't really understand why Michael felt the need to come all the way to my house (even if it's not that far away), or why I left his words ring in my ear the whole night. Honestly, I don't understand why.

I wanted to believe Michael when he told me that Brooke wasn't helping me at all, but at the same time I couldn't. I want my friends (Michael, Luke, Calum, etc) to know that I do trust them...but when they talk shit about the girl that I am literally in love with and can't seem to stop falling in love with everyday, then I can't trust them. Michael seemed so serious...yet so irrational at the same time. He doesn't know Brooke, does he? No. Of course he doesn't. I don't see how he ever could, when he's not the one that's been with her almost every day for all these months.

I just don't get what they're all trying to tell me. From these past few weeks, I feel like everyday all three of them (Michael, Luke, Calum, etc. Mostly Michael.) have been dropping little hints to me that they don't want me to be with her anymore. I've told them so many times to just leave me alone about it, but they never do. Why can't they just move on and realize Brooke and I's relationship isn't on this..this downward sprial? Although sometimes the things she's says hurts me deep down, maybe I'm the same way. Maybe I need to stop being so controlling...but maybe I need to protect her. Both of those options are the complete opposites from each other, so I don't know which one is more important. I want to keep her safe, but I don't want her to hate me.

I ended up getting out of bed 10 minutes after my alarm clock went off, but I didn't really have a problem with that. I'm terrified to get to school today, especially after last week. That was terrible; the laughing, name calling, and constant staring from my peers was worse than a lot of things that tick me off and sadden me. Obviously, I don't know how to deal with it... since the previous ways I used to deal with my own insecurites wasn't necessarily nice, either. Maybe today could be better, as I only hoped so.

I haven't spoken to Brooke since Saturday morning...and even though she had said 'I will see you tomorrow.', she never came back yesterday. I don't know if I was supposed to be expecting her to maybe call at the least, but she never did. I mean...I could've called her, but I was scared to. I didn't want to wake her or make her angry. As this has already been established, I'm petrified by making her angry with me.

I headed out the door to go to school with not a lot of time to spare. I hoped and prayed that today will all work out, but I found myself being very doubtful of that.

...

I slowly but surely walked up the steps of my school, feeling my heart begin to pound. I wasn't sure if I was currently overreacting with my nervous habits, but I really couldn't help feeling as though I was already being watched. I glanced around for any source of descrimination, but so far I didn't see many eyes staring at me. I don't get whats so amazing about staring me down; I'm not a chained up circus animal.

"Heard you got beat up on Friday," My heart stopped to the sound of Nick's voice behind me. As much as my mind instantly told me to look at him right in his douchey eyes and tell him to leave me alone, all I could do was stare out in front of me, and somehow keep walking. I could see him from the corner of my eyes that he was casually strolling right beside me, obviously waiting for me to say something.