Fixing Mr. Perfect (Pyxis #2)

June's Journal (20XX)

June's Journal (20XX)

Soundtrack: Love Is Not Over (full length edition) by BTS

JANUARY 28

Eksaktong 46 minutes at 37 seconds na ang nakalipas simula nang tumawag si Jacin. 46 minutes akong nakatulala bago ko napagdesisyonan na kumuha ng notebook at isulat ang nangyayari ngayon. Hindi ako matandain, madalas kakasabi pa lang sa'kin nakakalimutan ko na, pero iba ngayon. 47 minutes na ang nakakaraan pero tandang-tanda ko pa rin ang bawat salitang sinabi niya.

"June." he said from the other line as if he was in pain. "Please don't talk. Just listen to me." sabi niya ulit bago pa man ako makapagsalita. "It's today." he took a long deep breath. "I'm leaving today."

Halos huminto ang tibok ng puso ko. Alam kong aalis siya isa sa mga araw na 'to, pero hindi ko alam na ngayong araw mismo. Last week pa kami huling nagkita, at iyon ay noong hinatid niya ako sa bahay kahit may sakit siya. Hindi ko siya nakikita sa school dahil marami silang inaasikaso para sa pag-alis nila.

And now Jacin's telling me he's leaving. Today. Parang hindi ma-process ng utak ko. Lalo na ng puso ko.

Is he saying goodbye? Dito sa phone? Lang? Sumasakit ang dibdib ko. Gusto ko siyang makita.

"I only have a few minutes before the plane leaves."

Humugot ako ng hininga. Siguradong taon ang bibilangin bago kami magkita ulit. Bakit sa phone lang siya nagpapaalam? Gusto kong magsalita pero parang may kung anong nakabara sa lalamunan ko.

"I know this is stupid. Saying all this over the phone is fucking stupid. But if I see you now, baka hindi ako makaalis. Alam kong hindi ako aalis, so I chose not see you. The same reason why I don't want you to talk. If I hear your voice now, I might do something I'll regret. And right now I'm having a really hard time just hearing you breathe."

I was having a hard time to breathe, if only he knew.

"If you tell me right now that you don't want me to leave, I won't think twice. I'll get out of this plane and see you right away."

He was talking slowly, na para bang kapag nagsalita siya ng mabagal, mapapabagal din nito ang ang pag-alis niya.

"I know you won't though... and please don't. This is for you, Andrea June. The space I promised to give you. I'll be damned if I break a promise again."

He sighed, the same one he did earlier. Long and deep. At dahil doon, alam kong ayaw niya talagang umalis. I closed my eyes and I can picture him fisting his hair, and licking his lips before speaking.

"I'm leaving for you, Andrea June. I'm not saying this so you'll feel guilty. I'm saying this because I'm choosing you. And I'm really happy that you chose yourself too. Everything I do here, is for you... for us. Take your time loving yourself, June and I'll try to enjoy my time there." He sighed again. I can almost see him smiling sadly. "I doubt it though. There's no way I could enjoy my time there knowing that I'm more than six thousand miles away from you. But I'll still try. I'm gonna miss you so fucking much Andrea June... I'll be back when you need me."

There was a long pause. Pinapapatay na ang mga phones ng pasahero pero hindi pa rin nagsasalita si Jacin. After a moment, he spoke again.

"I love you."

It sounded so soft and sincere na kahit hindi niya sa'kin harapang sinabi, ramdam na ramdam ko pa rin.

It's real. He's leaving. He's leaving now. Kahit gusto ko siyang pigilan, hindi pwede. Pinikit ko na lang ang mga mata ko bago bumulong.