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chapter nine f*** the world, you stupid girl
☼ ☽
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When someone abandons you, the memories of them don't vanish along with their existence. They stay locked in the part of your brain you try to keep hidden, and they haunt you. The pain is still there. You can still see their face. Hell, you've encoded them in your head right down to the very last freckle on their nose. But they're no longer there to hurt you so it shouldn't be so painful, but it is. It hurts because when someone you love is gone, it's your memory of them that sparks the pain. Jill Samson learned that the hard way.
She was reminded of the pain the moment her eyes fluttered open that morning. The sunlight shining through her window made it hard to see, causing her to blink multiple times before she finally had enough and turned on her side, facing away from the sun. It seemed to want her to get out of bed, but Jill felt stuck. She didn't want to move. She just wanted to go back to sleep. The darkness of her bedsheets would be a much better alternative than forcing herself out of bed and living through the day without blowing a fuse.
You see, only a couple weeks had passed since the Losers' Club saved Mike Hanlon from his bullies and gained a new member. The weeks were long and tiring and Jill always managed to roll her eyes a million times a day when she was around the group of boys. But she had also felt herself smiling more, sometimes even laughing. It was an odd feeling for Jill, but she didn't think too much about it. She'd rather ignore the laughs she shared with the group especially with Richie Tozier than admit she actually liked having them around. But none of that mattered today. It was the Fourth of July and Jill Samson felt like she was going to explode.
Other kids would be ecstatic, raiding the corner stores for fireworks and watching the parade with their families. But for kids like Jill, the Fourth of July was a reminder of all the things she had lost. She wasn't saying the holiday itself had caused her life to be so shitty, but many years ago, Elizabeth Phenny packed up her things and left on Independence Day. So, yeah, the fourth wasn't a reminder of her independence, it reminded her that the world was against her and it always would be.
