To What I Owe You

To What I Owe You- The Intro

I don't know where to start, I don't know how to explain how it all cultivated, how it all came to light or how I even fell for him. I just knew, at the end of the day no matter what happened I wanted better, I wanted to save him and I think he knew it too; maybe that's why he pushed me so far, he knew he had potential and he knew I could pull it out of him but this block was what he knew best. They knew him, the whole town it seemed like, he was damn near a hood celebrity, so how could I take him out of his element, take him from his own world and prove to him that there's something better? I couldn't, I simply couldn't. No matter what foot I put forward to walk this journey with him we were just never catching the right beat, never in tuned with one and other and for that I blame me. I blame me for knowing better, for spending years telling myself he was everything I would never want and for falling anyways. Face first right into the large palm of his hands, dry and tattooed with no intentions of ever holding me tight enough not to lose me.

That's how things ended up how they are now I guess, I guess that's why I ended up here, telling my story to anyone who would listen, making sure that no matter what the streets say someone knew that I loved that man. I was wrapped up in everything that was him and I never meant to hurt him. Everything was his, my money, my time and mind. He could have it all if, if it just meant he would stay, I swear I'd give it all to him. I want him to know that, if no one else believes my story I need him to, I need him to know it was always him. If it was ever between me or him, it was always him. That's what ruined me though, proving to a man that already believed he had it all, that I too would always belong to his endless collection of "things", ruined me. I lost myself in his embrace, I lost myself between his bed sheets and I lost myself when I found him. Or maybe he had found me, I vaguely remember but that's the point of retelling stories right? To get all the details together and to remember from the very start just how you got to a certain point, so that's what I'll do, because I owe myself that much.

A BeautyAndTheBrain original novel.

Copyright 2018