just a dream (camren)

fourteen

November 25th, 2016

"You kissed her?"

Camia sighs to herself, taking a sip of her hot chocolate to take her mind off things. "I didn't kiss her. She kissed me."

"Then you should be home, right? I thought that was how this works." Lucy frowns to herself. "I don't see why you're sulking. Isn't this what you wanted?"

"No," Camila looks affronted. "Why would I want this? Towards the end, Fifth Harmony Lauren could only bear to look at me if she was drunk. Why would I want to remember that? Why would I want to be reminded that Lauren doesn't want me and she never has?"

Lucy's expression softens and she reaches across the table to squeeze Camila's hand. "I'm sorry. I know how much she hurt you. Neither of us is a stranger to how much loving Lauren can hurt."

"I just wish she hadn't done it," Camila mumbles, "because I can't stop thinking about how it felt."

"I figured that maybe you kissing her would send you back." Lucy pauses, frowning down at the table. "But I guess not. Maybe it's to do with the dates. My last day in our world was January 14th. Yours was... December 18th? The day you left?"

"Yeah," Camila breathes out, not wanting to think about that. "You think we'll just go back on the date?"

"I mean, we both went backwards when we got here, so I'm guessing so." Lucy theorises. "Maybe we don't have to do anything. Maybe we'll just go back naturally once we hit the date we left."

Camila blinks back her tears, hating how much the kiss had complicated things for her. Lauren doesn't even remember it, and Camila knows she's probably making everything worse by avoiding the girl like she has the plague. It's almost been two weeks, and Camila doesn't know if she can face Lauren yet; she looks at her and all she can remember is the older girls' lips on hers.

She'd practically begged Lucy to meet her, to see if they can untangle this mess.

"I just wish she hadn't done it. Because I know she didn't do it because she actually wanted to kiss me. She's never kissed me because she wanted me." Camila shakes her head and takes another sip of her hot chocolate. "It sucks because she's the only person I've ever really wanted to kiss. And I know it's probably weird for you, because she's your ex and-"

"You know I could never be with her again. Not after how she hurt me." Lucy interrupts. "Besides, what about that guy you were with for a little while. Didn't you want to kiss him?"

Camila frowns. "Austin?"

"No," Lucy replies. "Michael? From 5 Seconds of-"

"No," Camila cuts her off, wanting to put that trauma back into the vault of repressed memories.

She knows she shouldn't have done it, but Michael was the first and only person she'd slept with. When she'd said Lauren's name as she finished, Michael had been understanding, and thankfully never told anybody, but it's one of Camila's biggest regrets, because she'd essentially slept with him to get Lauren off her mind. She'd done what Lauren did to her to him, and she shouldn't have. He'd genuinely liked her, and was a sweet guy, but Camila is starting to feel like she never could've liked him back.

"Okay," Lucy trails off. "Well, uh... you need to stop avoiding her. Because she'll start to think you're pushing her away, and she'll get upset. And you know how Lauren can say things she doesn't mean when she's upset."

Camila knows all too well, because she can do the same thing. "Yeah. You're right. I think I'll go over there. Thanks for talking to me, Lucy."

"It's alright," Lucy replies, "we're both in the same situation here. We should be there for each other."