To Love Him | ✔

014

Sammy Walcott

Weeeeeeeeeeeshhhhh

Fuck my life.

I grabbed the pillow over at the end and rolled it over my head. Trying to block out the kettle sound. I can't believe this. Seriously. If it means using up my savings to buy a new silent kettle, then so be it.

The pillow having failed me. I start up on the bed, my head pounding like a there was a blacksmith shop up in there. I grabbed my head, swearing under my breath. I was also thirsty, like I haven't tasted water in years. Morning hangovers are the absolute worst. After 10 minutes of failed relaxation, I marched down the stairs.

"Sammy good--" my mum started but cut herself off when she saw me. I grabbed my usual coffee mug, the aspirin and water bottle and a lemon from the fridge, matching upstairs without saying a word.

First off, I took a sip of the hot coffee. Gulped down the aspirin pills. Then cut the lemon into two and ate half, all the while hissing, wincing and cussing. What a bright morning. By the time I was done with half the lemon, I was already wide awake and my tongue, paralyzed.

I sighed closing my eyes and letting my nerves relax. My head was still pounding but I didn't feel like dying anymore. This is why I hate drinking but I can't help it. Some days just have to be forgotten, even if its for a little while. Plus I drank way too much last night, I drank enough to run a bar with. Well if not for Elijah, I wouldn't have.

I ran a hand through my face remembering Elijah Gracia. If he wasn't my designated driver, I wouldn't have drank so much. I would have drank just enough to enable me walk home from wherever and get into my bed. And also if not for him and his bad boyish ways, I wouldn't have drank so much.

I forced myself off the bed and walked to my mirror. I was still dressed in yesterday's clothes. My blue and white strip hoodie and dark jeans. No shoes and Jacket though, Elijah pulled those off. My hair looked worst than ever, tangled together and sticking out everywhere. No wonder mum stopped talking. I got rid of my clothes and headed for the showers.

In the shower, I let myself think, remembering last night and Elijah. I let myself free last night. For once last night, I wanted to be the unguarded Sammy. The free one. The one who smiles and not scowl. The one who laughed and not glare. It was going fine. I was laughing with Elijah, we were fine. Too fine even. The best friends.

Then the drinks finished and when Crystal offered that we go raid the unfortunate Host's drink vault. I couldn't stop myself. I wanted more and she needed help in opening the door. I went with her, expecting Elijah to be there when we returned. Unfortunately we almost got caught and had to hide, because of this we wasted lots of time and by the time I returned, Elijah was gone.

I searched for him. Something I didn't think I'd ever do in my life. And when I found him, he was with a girl. His arms all over her. Maybe it was the alcohol. No, no maybe. It was definitely the alcohol because seeing him and whoever isn't supposed to hurt. It especially wasn't supposed to hurt that bad. I felt... stabbed.

I didn't reach out to him or anything. I just sat down and drank, torturing myself and daring myself to hurt some more by watching them. And it did, it did hurt some more. Why was he with her? Why couldn't he wait? I'm always waiting. Always. Just like I waited, waited for him to see me. And he did, but as usual, it was already late. Smiley Sammy was gone. Free Sammy was gone.

He made me like that. He made me want to be free. He made me want to smile. He made me want to laugh. He made me want to wait. And at the same time, he made me want to be closed off. He made my walls go up. He made me want to glare and frown. He made me tired of waiting. Now, now he made me want to cry.

"What the fuck Sammy Walcott!" I yelled hitting my fist on the tiled wall. I don't understand. I don't understand a thing. What's all this emotions? Why do I feel them? Why is Elijah fucking Gracia the cause? Why does seeing him with that girl hurt and why is it relieving that he thought Crystal was my girlfriend?

I chuckled, finally. Some clear feeling. Its funny that he thought Crystal is my girlfriend. I can't remember the last time a girl attracted me, talk more of having a girlfriend. I'm too busy for all that. I too busy for feelings, emotions, and even friendship. Elijah should just return to whatever hole he crawled out from.

Speaking of busy... I finished up showering. Got dressed and headed downstairs with my empty coffee mug. Mum was no longer in the kitchen. I washed my cup placing it back on it spot and opened the fridge, taking notes of all the empty spots and what's supposed to be occupying it.

I gulped down the last yoghurt in there, tossing it away and gobbled up the oatmeal left on the counter for me.

"Bye Mum." I shouted into the house, going out and shutting the door behind me.

My eyes drifted  to the neighbors house and I noticed that just Elijah's Ferrari was present. He must be alone. I scolded myself for thinking about him and with one last final huff, I walked away.

I was forty minutes early for work. I worked at a moving company. More like loading to me. All I did was load, every, all and any kind of thing into trucks, lorries and any big, giant vehicle. It wasn't an easy job, the loading never stopped and the things could be very heavy sometimes. But I'm lucky. I'm lucky to score a job like this.

The guy who hired me said its not a job given to high schoolers. He, however, gave me because I saved his dog's life. Magnet, the managers dog almost got hit by a car and I saved it, not my greatest heroic act but eh, it scored me a job and that's all that matters.  Plus, I only get to work in the weekends and the pay is not that bad.

Yes, I deal with muscle pulls, strained body and others but it's the money that counts. If I ever want to get rid of Dennis and go into college, then I need money. Lots of it.

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