Baby Yesung

🐢4🐢

I sit on bed with lifeless Yesung in my arms and stare into nothing. Suddenly I hear my phone and carefully move Yesung in my arms so I can pick up the call. I excused myself that I have emergency situation in my family. It reminds me the horrible months when he was in coma. He is same rag doll as in the coma when I used to move him gently so his muscles wont degenerate. He is using diapers because he cant hold his bowel movement or bladder very good and he had often accidents. With diaper he doesn't need to stress if he has accident or not. Few weeks before the car accident Yesung had mental breakdown in work and after his stay in hospital he slipped in little space. And after the diapers it was just few steps for Yesung to become my baby boy.

I lift him and place him on my hip. I sit him on bathroom counter and carefully wash his face with wet cloth. Then I lay him down on changing table and changed his wet diaper. I give him his pacifier with Nemo and turtle plushie and lay him in bed. I am next to him and cares his hair.
In middle of the night Yesung wakes up with heartbreaking cry. I am trying to soothe him but Yesung is only crying harder and hide his face in his hands. I get up from bed and walk round apartment with my crying boy in my arms. I bounce him and after two hours he is too tired and fall asleep. I lay him back in bed and wash his face with wet cloth. After few hours he is crying again so I make bottle of milk and put medicine in. He is refusing to drink but I gently shove the teat between his lips and soon he cant resist the sweet warm milk and drink it all. Yesung is calm now and I changed his diaper. He is avoiding my gaze, he is ashamed.

"It wasn't the first time, am I right?"

Yesung shakes his head no and hide under blanket.

"Baby why didn't you tell me about it?"

He is saying something but it is barely louder than whisper. I slowly pull the blanket away and finally can hear what is he saying.

"No daddy wants naughty boy."

"You think that you are naughty boy?"

Yesung silently nods and big tears are running down his cheeks again.

"Listen carefully Yesung. You are my small golden boy, you were never naughty. My small cute Yesung is the best behaved boy on the planet."

Yesung is finally looking at me so I continue.

"Shindong is bad not you and I wont let him near to you. You need to tell me things like this, when someone hurt you or if I do something what you don't like."

I swaddled Yesung tightly in blanket and carry him in the living room. I lay him on carpet and turn on cartoons. He is calm and sucks on pacifier. I go in the kitchen and cook some of his favourite food. When it is ready I put Yesung in highchair and put play in front of him. He isn't eating so I take his chopsticks with Pororo and want to feed him. Yesung moves his head away and whimpers. I am trying to feed him but he is only whimpers louder.

"Okay I guess that you aren't hungry."

I take him out of the highchair and put him on couch again. After while Yesung is crying and when I lift him he is thrashing in my hold.

"What is wrong baby?"

He kicks me in guts and I have to sit on floor or I would drop him. This kick was really hard.

"My baby is strong!"

I carry him in his room, but I hold his legs so he wont kick me again. I lay him on the changing table and need to strap him tightly because he is thrashing really hard. I changed his diaper and bounce him in my arms. He is crying so much that he is coughing now and I pat his back.

"Yesung you will only make yourself sick with such long cry."

Finally he tired himself to sleep. I dressed him in legless onesie and put mittens on his hands because he has terrible habit. When he isn't feeling well or if he is stressed he will scratch his skin until bleeding. I lay in our bed and put Yesung on my chest. He is sleeping but I can't, I am imagining what Shindong did. I saw him as friend while he was raping Yesung secretly. Whole night I am awake and soon after dawn Yesung wakes up. I cook early breakfast but he doesn't eat much and same with lunch and dinner. I only make him to drink few bottles of milk during the day and he is scaring me. Yesung only lays, doesn't speak with me or move. He is just laying and staring into nothing and I need to cheer him up. Luckily Heechul is coming back from Japan and I invite him. Heechul can cheer up everyone and he is really good with Yesung. Yes I am little bit worried if Heechul isn't like Shindong. But in moment I open the door I see I don't need to worry.