CC7

CC7 - Part 11

I felt Emily quivering and shaking like crazy. Her perfectly shaped body convulsed for the fourth time in lusty ecstasy. My lips traveled upwards and reached her navel. Her stomach was rising and falling quickly when I heard her giggling and panting at the same. One of her hands was grasping my hair while the other one was placed on her forehead.

“Holy shit”, she puffed and swallowed heavily. I smirked slightly at her reaction and felt little aftershocks still rippling through her body. Making my way further up, I planted a bunch of kisses on her heated skin before I met the soft lips. She sighed in exhaustion and probably satisfaction. Her hands were folding around my neck but I lay down next to her, guiding her to cuddle up to me. She did and I needed a moment to let it all sink in.

“That was amazing”, Emily beamed and placed a tender kiss on my neck while I stroked her arm softly. “I almost regret waiting such a long time”, she added with a breathless laugh.

“Just almost?” I questioned with a little grin and felt her pulling the blanket over us.

“It was worth it though, wasn’t it?” my former high school crush asked while we were recovering from our high.

“Yeah absolutely”, I agreed with no hesitation and kissed her forehead.

But that wasn’t the whole truth.

Yes, it had been amazing. Better than most sexual encounters in my admittedly not-so-inexperienced past. It was the first time I had slept with someone after Camila. I knew it was wrong but I couldn’t help but feel...underwhelmed. I cringed internally because it sounded horrible even in my head. It wasn’t fair to compare and I knew that. And if it weren’t for my brown-eyed teammate, I was certain this would have felt like the ultimate level of intimacy.

It wasn’t that Emily hadn’t been more than affectionate and pleasing but I remembered fireworks going off as soon as Camila had touched me in any way that night in New York. I had felt on fire but perfectly content at the same time. The intensity of that night was unmatched. For the first time, I had felt something beyond the physical aspect of sleeping with someone. It was so stupid but maybe there was the difference between making love to someone opposed to having sex.

I knew I wasn’t in love with Emily…yet! But until now, I hadn’t fully realized that I had still been in love with Camila even that night in New York. It hadn’t been about anything else than me wanting to be with here in the most intimate way possible – not revenge or fun.

And now that I knew what that felt like, I was more than conflicted about how to handle being with Emily. We were taking things slow and there was still a chance of me falling for her. Not every relationship had to be so explosive. That intense nature of my feelings for the left-midfielder had caused just as many negative feelings in form of heartbreaks and pain. A milder connection wasn’t necessarily a bad thing. It was comfortable and easy. Camila was my first love and those were supposedly always the most intense. The first cut is the deepest; I recalled a Cat Stevens song and wanted to smack myself for being so cheesy.

The balancing act between giving Emily a real chance and not feeling guilty for possibly leading her on was killing me. But I tried the best I could.

Unfortunately it didn’t work out.

As much as I wanted it to, there was denying after almost another three months that my feelings never completely peaked. I liked her a lot and I was definitely attracted to her but it became apparent to me why I couldn’t fully give my heart to her. It still belonged to someone else. Camila and I had rarely spoken since boot camp in Arizona. We were both focusing on soccer and there was no animosity or weirdness at all. It was cordial but I had to distance myself to at least give my relationship with Emily a fair shot. And I had.