Look Under 'His' Skirt

Chapter 4: Fiery Wrath of the Dung

Zhihuan scowls, his mind and soul both filled with bitterness. Never, never in his whole life had he ever been so tired. He pants heavily, brushing his loose hair away from his sweaty face. He was currently hiding behind a tree, resting for a few moments so he could catch his breath. His thoughts start to wonder, his chocolates coming to mind. 

His precious rare chocolates which had seemed to take eons to finally appear in his hands again. The dreamy taste he had only experienced once in his life, many years ago. Gone. GONE! Just like that. The woman's deceptively sweet face fills his mind and a wave of fury rushes over him. Forgetting the situation he was currently in, he lets out a frustrated shout of anger, the birds nearby fluttering into the sky in fear. 

"Over there!," A soldier bellows out from across the trees, followed by a series of thundering footsteps coming his way. Zhihuan lets out a series of curse words and once again gets up, ignoring the pain that was still emerging from his groin area. He looks for cover in the mass of trees he was currently situated in and finds a shed on the far side of the woods. He bolts in, not taking into account that the shed was probably the worst hiding place as it stuck out like a sore thumb against the trees. 

It was extremely dark inside, not an ounce of light coming in. He hears the soldiers outside, just about to come in. A hiding spot. He needed a hiding spot right now! As his eyes slowly get used to the dark, Zhihuan makes out a large lump on the ground and dives right into it without a second thought. The door bursts open and a number of soldiers burst inside. Zhihuan holds his breath, completely still as he feels a strange coolness press against his skin. It felt quite nice against his hot, sweaty body, that is, before he took an accidental sniff at it.

 My God. He almost passed out then and there when he smelt the sheer atrocity that made up that putrid stench. If the soldiers were not right in front of him, looking for him, he would have jumped up and ran miles and miles in the other direction. He was in a damn haystack, covered in some form of animal dung and he was literally lathered in it. Gahhhhhh! Could this day not get any worse?

"He does not seem to be in here sir," one of the soldiers reports back. 

"Hmm? Are you sure about that? Go stab your swords into that haystack first and then come back to me before declaring anything," a man snarls. Zhihuan could not help the anger that suddenly rose. It was the same raspy voice. That same ghastly man with the missing teeth who shoved him to his knees, took his sword and spoke with such arrogance. It was only after the man's words settled in his head that his anger quickly dispersed. 

Oh f*ck. This could not be his deathbed. A pile of hay, lathered in animal dung. He hears a pair of footsteps begin to approach him and the fear starts to settle in. Should he just reveal himself? They were in an isolated area. But then they would have no choice but to report back to the emperor and Lan Min, his eunuch would be punished for not alerting the soldiers. How could he have been so selfish, putting others peoples lives in jeopardy, all to avoid a girl? 

No, he must make it back!  Think Zhihuan, think. As soon as he heard the footsteps halt right in front of him, he launches his attack. A surprise attack which involved jumping in front of his 'enemies' like a lunatic, covered in dung and hay. The soldier lets out a scream of surprise, falling onto his back. The other soldier's heads immediately snap in their direction and Zhihuan counts five soldiers in the shed with him, including the petrified man on the floor. He had no plan, nothing. His body was just moving on his own. 

Before the soldiers could act, he scoops up a whole pile of dung onto his arms and starts launching it at the shocked soldiers. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat. Splat. Feast on my wrath. Zhihuan smiles, satisfied when his aiming resulted in 5 perfect headshots. He seemed to be throwing a lot of odd objects at the soldiers today but they sure seemed to be working. He grabs his sword from the arrogant soldier before bolting through the door.