Something More // Zhang Yixing

one last day

When you woke, Yixing was already awake, but still in the same position he had fallen asleep in; he sat with his arms crossed and his head lying down atop them at his desk. As soon as you stirred, he shifted his chair to the bedside, his sleepy, brown eyes blinking at you slowly. His thumb brushed your cheek as you began to sit up, and before he drew his hand away, you clutched it in between your own.

"Yixing."

He seemed so sad that he couldn't even bare to look at you, and for a second, you wondered if it was because of what had happened the night before. Did Yixing think you were worth nothing now? Did he think you were just a slut? The doubts settled at the bottom of your mind like dust on old furniture, and you couldn't help but think Yixing looked like scolded puppy who knew exactly what he did wrong. After a long moment of avoiding looking at you, but tightening his hand around one of yours, he finally spoke.

"Yejin," his word were struggled and seemed to come with difficulty, "I-I'm leaving."

Your heart stopped and you let go of your tight grip of his hand. "What?"

Yixing drew his hand away, fisting it and shaking his head, looking frustrated. He jumped out of his chair, pacing the length of the bed, "I knew what Sunhee was doing. I knew, but I didn't stop her because I couldn't bare to break up with you myself before I left. It... it was just so much easier to let you become jealous of her. I knew it would lead to where it went, but that's what I needed. Yejin, I'm leaving. I'm going back to China."

Helplessly, you felt tears brim on the edge of your eyelids, and you could barely digest everything he was saying.

"But, listen to me, Yejin. Really, listen. I don't have a choice. My parents are getting divorced and my father is taking me with him back to China. There's nothing I can do. Trust me, I fought him about it, but there's no way I can stay."

"No," you hoarsely protested, your lips trembling. "No, there must be some way. It can't be impossible—no."

Yixing sat down on the edge of the bed, his expression equally as devastated as yours, "I can't keep doing this, Yejin. When I'm gone, you can't get caught up with assholes or get drunk as hell; I won't be here to keep you safe, baby—"

"No. No, you'll stay. Stay, Yixing," you begged, taking fistfuls of his shirt and pulling him closer. "Please... please just stay."

"I wish I could, baby. If there was anyway, I would make it happen. You know that," Yixing tried to assure you, lacing his arms around you.

"So, you really knew what that bitch was doing all along?"

Yixing bit his lip, but sighed, "Yes. I didn't want to have to let her break us apart, but I never could've done it myself. I want you to know, though, that there wasn't even a second I actually cared for her. I love you."

"Don't tell me that when you're about to leave," you hissed through your tears.

"Yejin," he sighed, his eyelids falling slightly closed.

"Will... will you ever come back?"

"I promise you, Yejin, the second I am able to, I will find you again. I'll always come back for the girl I love."

Yixing brushed away your tears, and for the first time in a while, you two kissed. It was bittersweet and soft, just a short brush of lips, but it was enough to fully break your heart into two separate pieces. You really broke down into tears then, sobs whimpering from your mouth and your breath quickly becoming shuddery.

"No, no. Yejin, please don't cry. Don't cry."

You shook your head, unable to stop, and you forced yourself farther into his arms, wanting every inch of your being to touch his. If he was going to leave, you wanted to savor the last moments you two would share, the last touches, the last caresses, the last kisses. You wanted to be able to distinctly remember his clean laundry smell, his glittering smile, his plush lips, his broad shoulders, his minty breath, and his airy voice.

"I love you, Yixing," you managed through your tears.

His lithe hands gently stroked your back, and at your confession, he pressed a chaste kiss to your temple, his lips lingering.

"Wh... when?" You hiccupped.

"I leave early tomorrow morning. But, I-I think it's best if we say goodbye now."

"Why can't you stay?" You cried, digging your fingernails into his back. "Why? Why? Why?"

"Shh, baby," he tried to calm you, but you could hear his voice shaking and you felt the first tear drip off his chin and onto your shoulder. "I'll come back. I promised you I will."

"But, why can't you just stay? Yixing, please—"

"I'm sorry, baby. I am so sorry. I'm so sorry, baby," he whimpered, crying then nearly as hard as you were.

You set your chin on his shoulder, and Yixing buried his tear-streaked face into the crook your neck, holding you tight as he could without hurting you. You both sat there for a long, long time, not speaking, just crying. You played with the hair at the nape of his neck to calm yourself, and Yixing's tears eventually calmed, as well.

"You should go, Yejin. It'll make this easier if we just do it now."

As Yixing's touch withdrew from you, you found yourself panicking. You didn't want to admit you were attached, but you were; as soon as he had let go of you, an irrational fear welled up, shooting up your spine. Being without him was already making you anxious.

"I-I can't do this—"

"Go."

"No, Yixing—"

"Yejin, don't make this harder than this has to be. Just go," Yixing pleaded with you, pulling you out of his blankets on onto your own two feet.

You stared at him for a long pause, your eyebrows furrowed and your lips pressed into a line. And then you shakily sighed, "Wh-What am I supposed to do without you?"

Yixing shook his head but softly smiled, "You're a grown up girl, Yejin. You'll be fine. Just don't go getting into trouble, like I told you. I won't be around to save you."

"You'll come back, right?"

"Of course. I already promised you that."

"S-so... this is it? This was us?"

"For now. But there will be an us in the future, won't there? I'll come back, unless you plan on finding somebody el—"

"No!" You protested, "I won't find anyone else. I'll wait for you, Yixing. Even if we're eighty and dying, I'll wait for you."

"Yejin, if it ends up being too long of time, and you do meet someone, just... just promise me you won't pick someone like Chanyeol or Jongin. Find someone who cares about. Find someone who will take care of you when you need it. Find someone who makes you happy. Just be careful."

"No," you vigorously shook your head, "I'll wait for you, Yixing. Never... never again will I look at anyone else."

Yixing smiled, but sighed, "You may begin to think otherwise in the future, Yejin. I just want you to remember what I said. And, if I come back, and you're with someone who isn't a total asshole, I'll give you your space. Maybe... maybe then, I'll be the asshole."

"You know that'll never happen," you insisted.

Yixing sighed again, and shook his head before kissing you again, this time much harder. You let him, the rough kiss full of passion and vigor and anguish and pain. You kissed for a long time, trying your best to ignore the fact that soon, you would have to leave him for good. You fully ignored that it would be sooner than you expected.

Yixing gently separated you from himself, dropping his head and taking two steps back, "Goodbye, Jinnie."

You bit your lip, trying your hardest not to burst out into tears again, "G-g-g-oodbye, Yixing."

It took a moment for your feet to obey you and move. You took small steps towards his doorway, and when you got there, you glanced over your shoulder.

"Take care of yourself, Yejin."

You would never forget the sincere pain etched across his beautiful face because it would be the last thing you would see of him for a long, long time.

a/n: ...and that's the end. Tell me your thoughts and if I should make the sequel!! Thank you all for reading <3